User talk:Maspivack/sandbox

Maddy- For the most part your draft is really good, it's concise and provides good information on your topic. The biggest issue I see is in one of the paragraphs you edited from a previous user about the Cutting and Kozlowski study. I was looking at what Dr. Munger said about writing concisely for wikipedia, and it emphasized basically just to say the results of a study, not necessarily go through the procedure of the study. So in that paragraph I feel as though you could cut down on some of the information about how they did the study and make the findings of the study more prominent- maybe take out the sentence about what the point of the study was, or even take out how many participants were in the study. The sentence (about point light display) you have after the paragraph about the study, could be integrated into the paragraph to explain what Cutting and Kozlowski did in their study while also defining an important term in understanding biological motion. Your last sentence about emotion and gender in point light display could all be combined into one sentence if you wanted to do that!

Overall great job!

Alexis.lee (talk) 00:05, 25 September 2016 (UTC)