User talk:Maswope/sandbox

Ashley's Peer Review
Arlamoureux (talk) 16:49, 19 February 2019 (UTC) Here are some proposed edits for the Federal Hill article:

Overall: - contains good information and is well written - I have left some suggested sentence structure changes

Lead: - "The founder of Federal Hill..." add commas around "James Steptoe" "The founder of Federal Hill, James Steptoe, served as the second clerk..." - Change "...Steptoe also remained a lifelong friend of Thomas Jefferson." to "...Steptoe was also a lifelong friend of Thomas Jefferson." - Sentence starting with "Furthermore..." - I would suggest deleting "Furthermore" - The last sentence in this section is a little awkward

Architectural Analysis: There are a lot of architectural terms that most people will not know. I would suggest going back and linking to articles which define the term or paraphrasing what the term means and then putting the term after the description in parentheses. Here are some of the terms that I found confusing: - pedimented - dentiled cornice - wainscoting - architrave - Flemish bong - rodded joints

Something else that would be extremely beneficial for this section would be photographs of the house or of the specific architectural detail you describe.

Historical Background: - I would separate the sentence which contains "...; at this location..." into two - You include a substantial direct quote at the end of this section - consider shortening the quote

Calloway-Steptoe Cemetery - Including pictures in this section would also be helpful for this section since there is not a lot of information

Arlamoureux (talk) 13:50, 21 February 2019 (UTC)

Rebecca's Peer Review
-The architecture section is very informative, but some people may be unfamiliar with the architectural terms used, such as dentiled cornice. Cornice is linked, but dentiled is not, there is a wikipedia page for this term, I would link dentiled to this page, that way people can become familiar and understand the section better, add links for other terms as well, if it is not a term that most layman would understand, add a link to further explain the term.

-Insert more images as well, lots of text and no pictures, adding pictures would add interest

-Possibly work on phrasing in the history section, wording seemed a little awkward

-Anything else/sections that can be added? Other events at the home, other important people, and so on.

-Good neutral viewpoint, no bias

-Good sources

-Very good article over all, lots of edits done, implement changes and the article will be even better. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Rlair (talk • contribs) 17:26, 19 February 2019 (UTC)Rlair (talk) 17:05, 21 February 2019 (UTC)

Instructor feedback on article draft
You've worked hard on this and it is looking very good. Careful proofreading will help you identify and correct writing mistakes, some more embarrassing than others.

Below are observations, questions, and thoughts that occurred to me while reading your page.

I'm curious about why you call Steptoe the founder rather than the original owner. Is Federal Hill more than a building? In the lead, check for repetition, esp. the biographical info about Steptoe. If you want to mention Jefferson in the lead, try to make the link between them more evident. It is still a private residence so you can update that.

Great job using the correct architectural terms and linking out where you can. You'll want to change your references to the Historic Structures Report. There is no known HSR for Federal Hill. I think you might be referring to the National Register nomination form. Also, check the Wikipedia guidelines, but I don't think they want you to use "According to [source]..." to identify a reference. Does the nomination form say how many bedrooms? A number would be better than "myriad."

Great job on the architectural description. Consider moving the last paragraph to the beginning of that section.

Some excellent information in the historical background section! Avoid using quotations and/or naming the source. Consider weaving this history into the history of the house. You might think about paring it down and writing it as one narrative.

Your last paragraph in the history section would fit very well into a history paper, but will not likely pass the bias test for Wikipedia. If you need help with wording, let me know.

Double-check the ownership of the cemetery. I'm not sure it still belongs to the Federal Hill property.

Good sources. Consider adding a history of Bedford County for context. Also, check the Daisy Read history of New London to see if she mentions Federal Hill.

Keep working on your references to get those formatted correctly before moving everything to the mainspace.

Let me know how I can help. dddonald (talk) 19:49, 26 February 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review Response/Instructor Feedback:
The instructor feedback and peer reviews provided instructions regarding minor edit changes in writing and punctuation mistakes. Regarding content, I was able to clarify some of the architectural elements. I did check the Nomination Form for the specific number of bedrooms in the second floor of Federal Hill; however, a number is not listed. I also changed my mistaken title of "Historic Structures Report" to the correct title of Nomination Form for the Register of Historic Places.

Regarding quotations and the reference to sources within my paper, I deleted all but two of these quotations. I elected to keep the two quotations under the historical background as they contribute to the history of Federal Hill, James Steptoe, and Virginia. These quotes phrase the information in a far more concise and accurate manner than I could paraphrase. Also, I did check the wikipedia guidelines but did not locate anything addressing reference to sources within the content. I have seen this done on other wikipedia articles. Additionally, the closest guideline I could locate was to use a consistent reference style within each article. For this reason, I decided to keep the two references within the text.

I also considered moving the last paragraph of my architectural section to the front. While I have not done this, I am open to this change. I left the paragraph at the end, so that the readers would first focus on the Federal Hill home, before moving outward toward the additional structures on the property.

Finally, I fixed the References! I was successful in deleting the outdated reference and completing corrections on some troublesome citations. I also located an additional source on the cemetery; however, this source does not state the current ownership of the cemetery.

Everything that is live on the Federal Hill wikipedia should be accurate, up-to-date information that is both correctly sourced and formatted. Maswope (talk) 17:30, 27 February 2019 (UTC)