User talk:McKennaRose/sandbox

Some changes that could be made: - Outcomes Section - bring language down to an every person level. Right now it has the feel of reading a scholarly article, not a wiki page. - cut out the Fluff language, just state the facts (state the long/short term effects - maybe make it two subsecitons under?) - Social Acceptance - don't write it like a scholarly paper (again) - cut out the "more or less" - it's to ambiguous - Tactics section - add links in this section (I saw the numbers at the end, I am guessing those are the sources, just remember to make them live on the actual article) Overall Changes - get rid of a lot of fluff language (if the sentence can be the same without a few words, cut them out) - add links to other wiki articles in the paper to integrate it into Wiki world Polster.takala (talk) 16:49, 18 November 2017 (UTC)

Feedback
Appreciative of the "Potential Changes" section that's pre-existing, as it appears there's an understanding of what sections deserve attention along with what needs to be added or fixed. The "Tactics" section is well developed and looks great from a detailed standpoint. I'd add more to the "Antecedent Success" section, as it appears short where more information and/or subsections can be included. Other than that, the article looks like it's coming together very well. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Kylepopo (talk • contribs) 15:47, 21 November 2017 (UTC)