User talk:Mccordj/sandbox

Katey's Comments

Hey Jillian,

I liked your article and found it very informative! I have a few suggestions though.

1. The opening paragraph is a bit wordy with too much specific information. Try to make it general with just what the trail's purpose was, where it started, where it ended, how it was one of the few trails going north to south, and when it was most often traveled. I don't think you need to hyperlink the states or the United States as it only confuses the reader.

Also, you mention that it was one of the few trails to travel north to south. Is it one of the few trails to do this in the U.S.? Or just in the West? Do people travel only in the southern direction? This needs a bit more of an explanation.

2. You have a double period problem in some of your sentences with citations. Also consider making a section for your references so they don't just pop up connected to your last section.

3.If you want, I can help you with combining your citations so they're not listed over and over again in the last section. When you use a source once, add in a reference name when you're entering the rest of the information. This way when you want to use that reference again, you can click on reference name button next to the template button and search for it. This will allow you to use the same footnote for each citation by the same author. I know this is hard to understand but I can show you next class if you want!

4. In your Emigrants section, I would take out your mention of immigrants. Or you could title the section "Immigrants and Emigrants on the Trail". Also, you mention that Fort Benton boomed in the high-water months. Try to integrate this more with the rest of the section.

5. In the Natives section, who is General Hawkins?

6. Consider removing the last sentence of the Prices of Goods section. Although its good to know that trains didn't make the trail obsolete, it doesn't fit with the rest of the section about goods.

7. In Tolls, the 3rd and 4th sentences don't seem to be relevant.

8. I made some minor grammatical edits, if you don't mind. If you don't agree you can definitely change them back! Just go to the View History page to see my changes.

Overall I give you a 4. I loved your sections and how you split your topic up to see different aspects of the Montana trail. You have so much information!

PS: Have you considered an image of one of the towns in Montana or along the trail?

Chartika (talk) 02:05, 14 November 2014 (UTC)