User talk:Mckinneylexim/sandbox

Hi there Alexis. After reading the original article that you are working on, something that I noticed as well was that there was little actual information about mermaids in different cultures. It's funny to me that the name of the article is "Mermaids in Popular Culture", when it lacked this info. I believe your additions are very informative and needed in this article. Your sources are very informative and interesting, and I found myself reading all of them, and learned a lot. The ways in which you inform the reader in your examples are very concrete and these examples were very easy to follow.

Some things that I would expand on (if you have some good sources to get info from) would be some more info about what mermaids "mean" in different popular cultures, such as, American perspectives vs maybe Chinese perspectives about mermaids, separated into sections. When you say "In past popular cultures...." some might have questions as to which cultures thought these different things about mermaids.

I'm looking forward to seeing the completed article, as this subject is now an interest of mine as well! :) JensenByler (talk) 00:17, 14 February 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review
Hi! After reading your draft I think you have done a great job so far. The addition gives a lot more information about the topic and creates a better understanding of what the article as a whole is about. I think adding a few examples from different cultures was a smart idea as it makes an unbiased tone more apparent.

One thing I would point out is that although you have a lot of different examples, I noticed that a good portion of the second paragraph is all about "The Little Mermaid". This is understandable as it is likely one of the more popular pieces of media regarding mermaids, but I felt it was proportionally too large compared to the rest of the draft. Fortunately though, the best solution to this would be to simply add more examples from various cultures. Considering the size of your addition I'm sure that would be a piece of cake.

You're doing a great job, and best of luck to your future edits! Nayyomii (talk) 07:06, 14 February 2019 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Nayyomii (talk • contribs) 07:03, 14 February 2019 (UTC)

Nicole article feedback
Hi, Alexis!

You have some really useful information here, and how you are organizing it so far makes sense/reads smoothly. Some strengths I'm noticing in this draft are:
 * you have a broad range of sources that are incorporated well into the draft
 * the expansion of the lead section in the first paragraph here is an excellent starting point for improvements to this particular article
 * your tone is consistently neutral and unbiased

Some things to consider as you continue improving this are:
 * some of this new material moves outside of popular culture (notes about the appearance of mermaids in tales from various religions, or the history of mermaid tales/folktales would belong--and are probably already included--in the main "Mermaid" article. This one should remain focused on the intersection of pop culture and mermaids, rather than broader information about mermaids in general)
 * some language/phrasing is more informal than should be seen in an encyclopedia entry (the casual "we" or "ever-so" are examples of this)
 * what material specific to pop culture and mermaids are you still planning to add? how do you plan to organize it? What of this new material will be added to the current short lead section and what will become different sections?

I hope these notes are helpful, and I look forward to seeing the final version of this! Nicoleccc (talk) 01:47, 15 February 2019 (UTC)