User talk:Mcrussell11/sandbox

Saher's Peer Review
Hi McCalister,

I believe your proposed additions Economy of Oaxaca will add a great amount of value to the article as it is currently fairly sparse.

For the Women in Oaxaca section, I would consider combining the first two sentences, especially because the second sentence is currently a fragment. Perhaps something along these lines? "Even though only 33 percent of women participate in the labor sector and almost one out of four women work unpaid jobs, the women in Oaxaca take on a variety of jobs in the formal and informal workforce sectors." While your next sentence, the statistic about 80% of workers belonging to the informal sector, is important, I would consider making it the very first sentence of the section since it is a general statement of the overall workforce and not specific to women. In the next paragraph of this section, you discuss how geographical dispersion, the consolidation of institutions, and lack of market education are all reasons for the lack of women in the formal sector. While you later discuss the lack of market education and geographic dispersion, there currently isn't a discussion about geographic dispersion and consolidation of institutions. Perhaps you can include some specifics about these two barriers? Without this context, it is a little unclear what institutions are being "consolidated" etc. Another addition to consider to this paragraph is a potential source on the cultural barriers that prevent women from joining. You briefly mention responsibilities at home, but it might be worth adding some more content in regards to this aspect. The last sentence of the "Migration" subsection (These jobs are in great demand in the capital city which is home to the third highest degree of wealth inequality in all of Mexico) can also be removed. It sounds a little out of place to mention the city as the 3rd highest place of degree inequality at the very end of the section.

For the Responsible Tourism article, once I clicked on it, I noticed the name of the article is "Sustainable Tourism" — perhaps this was a recent change? It might be worth looking into the difference between those two words. I noticed in some spots, you capitalize "tourism" in the middle of the sentence but the current article does not, so just make sure to be consistent. The current article as it is has some potentially out of place content that you may want to consider removing? For example, the part about tourists "enjoying their holiday" and the example of the Masaai without further explanation seem out of place. This sentence also sounds a bit odd and redundant: "The environment is being damaged quite a lot by tourists and part of Sustainable tourism is to make sure that the damaging does not carry on."The last bolded paragraph of content already in the article sounds like a plug for various companies. Does this comply with Wikipedia rules? I agree with you that a critique on responsible tourism at the end would be an interesting addition!

Overall, great job! I'm excited to see where you take this. Good luck with further drafting!

-Saher Saherdaredia (talk) 07:58, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

Reply to Saher's Review
Hi Saher, Thank you so much for your peer review! I appreciate your careful review of my drafting. I am always in need of help with sentence structure, organization, and refining my word choice. Thank you for your helpful comments in that regard. To clarify on the geographic dispersion - it mostly refers to the migration discussed later. The consolidation of institutions is definitely something that I can get more information to clarify on. Thank you for pointing that out. Yes the Responsible Tourism page is a subsection of the Sustainable Tourism page. In all honestly they are fairly similar it mostly has to deal with a difference jargon. I decided to not spend too much time differentiation between the two as they are on the same page. I think that the way responsible tourism is defined in my section, however, helps distinguish it form sustainable tourism. Also thank you for giving me the confidence to delete the work of the other person who has contributed to this page. I was a bit uneasy about having to work my research in with the information that was already there. I feel like I can do it after your reassurance! Thanks again for your time and helpful suggestions! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Mcrussell11 (talk • contribs) 06:50, 11 April 2019 (UTC)