User talk:Mdrogotzke/sandbox

Vik's Feedback -- 19-665
The draft looks really good! I would recommend using more statistics and spelling out some of the acronyms rather than just stating them; I sometimes got lost going through them. I would also recommend that you work on the air quality subsection a little bit because the tone and vocabulary choice seems to come off as very defensive of our air quality rather than just stating and elucidating the facts. I would also recommend citing more sources for the point that a lot of the area's pollution actually comes over from West Virginia and Ohio. I can appreciate that this is the case as a Pittsburgher myself, but I was unable to find any corroboration in your sources. I could also have just entirely missed it. For the section where you talk about the rivers, you mention that the rivers have extremely high pollution levels compared to other rivers in the country; I think it would be helpful if you could actually point out what these pollutants are and their ensuing side effects.

Avatarfanx2 (talk) 20:53, 14 April 2018 (UTC)