User talk:Melissafritz/sandbox

Megan Lilja's edits: Just looking at the article right now, it does not look in Wiki format, obviously for the final draft I’m sure it will be with headings and a picture!

For the intro I think that you should include some personal information on her, such as date/place of birth.

“She focuses her research in organization communication with a feminist viewpoint. A majority of the research Dr. Buzzanell has completed is geared towards how everyday interactions, identities, and social structures can be affected by the intersections of gender[1].” - These two sentences sound off when read together, could be reworded into one sentence.

I like how you have the numbers of how many journal articles she has been a part of. In that section though I feel like if you are not going to have all of them listed, then you should cut them down or cut that out.

I think your first paragraph and second paragraph should swap. The history and background should come first followed by her interests and achievements.

“Dr. Buzzanell attended Towson University to earn her B.S. where she graduated Summa Cum Laude, she attended Ohio University to earn her M.A., and finally, she attended Purdue University to earn her Ph.D[2]. “ <= Too much of a run on sentence. I would break it down into two to three sentences so it reads better.

“ She earned her Ph.D. in organizational communication.” <= Can work this sentence into previous sentences. Comes off as choppy when on its own.

I don’t think that her teaching history and her degrees should be combined. I think you can add the last half of her background information into a professional category.

The scholarly work category could be cleaned up a bit. Maybe separate it into two headings, one where you give information on her work and another where you list her work so it doesn’t just all blend together and look unorganized.

“Dr. Buzzanell is currently working on a couple new projects. The first one is "Communicative Work of Sustainability Practitioners" and the second is "Gender, Technology, and STEM Careers[5].” <= I like the idea of this category, but this sentence comes off as too casual. Maybe instead of saying a couple say two so it is more precise.

Overall I think this is a great first draft!! You have SO much information on your scholar! I think with a little bit of organization to the information this will be a great Wiki page! Just overall needs structure. Great citations throughout though!

Nice job, Megan! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Aburnett412 (talk • contribs) 02:08, 26 April 2017 (UTC)

Madison's Edits:

Hi Missy! I think this is a great article with lots of great information. Here are just a couple things I noticed while reading:

In the Intro: I think you did a really good job of establishing notoriety within this first paragraph with your inclusion of Dr. Buzzanell's accomplishments. I wonder though if you might want to split up this first paragraph into two, or shorten it up a bit and just include the information later on, only because it may be a little long for one paragraph.

Book: Rethinking Organizational and Managerial Communication from Feminist Perspectives can be italicized

"Patrice Buzzanell continues to stay research as well as contribute to the field in other ways"

-I think there may just be a word missing in this sentence!

"Dr. Buzzanell has received awards for top papers, articles, and books, received numerous awards for mentoring/teaching as well as research and scholarship honors, and has been recognized for her engagement in different service organizations[4]"

-I recommend removing the bolded "received" to help the flow of the sentence. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Madisonjo (talk • contribs) 20:16, 26 April 2017 (UTC)