User talk:Mferrell104/sandbox

Peer Review by John Robert Register
Source 3 not linked

“In 1980, she was included in the landmark New York show "GAS: Graffiti Art Success" at Fashion Moda, which traveled in a modified form downtown to The New Museum of Contemporary Art.” -Needs to be cited if you decide to use it.

“She started her graffiti writing career in 1979 following the loss of a boyfriend who had been arrested and sent to live in Puerto Rico. She exorcised her grief by tagging her boyfriend's name across New York City.[citation needed] Lady Pink studied at the High School of Art & Design in Manhattan. As a student there, she was introduced to graffiti and began writing at age fifteen.[5]” -Introduce with high school info and date first and then boyfriend reason.

“She exorcised her grief by tagging her boyfriend's name across New York City” -This is a direct quote from source 7 I think

"She is married to another graffiti artist..." -Remove “another”

"She started tagging the name Lady Pink, derived from her love of historical romances, England, the Victorian period, and the aristocracy. She also chose the name for aesthetics because Pink is a feminine name and because she wanted other writers to know that she was a girl." -Needs citing

Maybe integrate the Name Origin into the early life section, not necessarily its own subhead.

“She also chose the name for aesthetics” -Remove “also” -Potentially rephrase to something like, “She chose the name for its connotations (or associations) as pink…”

“Despite her being known for graffiti,” -Rephrase to something like, “Aside from graffiti, Lady Pink is also a prominent painter and illustrator.”

Also use present tense as she is still living.

“Some of her pieces are in the collections of the Whitney Museum of American Art, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and the Brooklyn Museum in New York City, as well as the Groningen Museum in the Netherlands.[5]” -Not sure if the locations are necessary if the names are linked to wiki page?

-Remove *? Unless there is a reason for it that I don’t know.
 * In 1983, she played the leading role in the film Wild Style,[8]

“Lady Pink has also collaborated with Jenny Holzer on a poster series” -Remove “has also” -Needs more information about the poster series. -Needs citation

“Her first solo show, "Femmes-Fatales," was in 1984 at the Moore College of Art & Design in Philadelphia.” -Needs citation

“In July of 2006 one of Lady Pink's art pieces entitled "The Black Dude" (1983) was featured at the Brooklyn Museum's exhibit on graffiti.

-Rephrase, “In July of 2006, Lady Pink’s piece entitled “The Black Dude” (1983) was featured at the Brooklyn Museum.” -Also needs citation

“Lady Pink is also dedicated to the community and mentoring teens.” -Remove “also”

“Each year she does a mural project with the students of Frank Sinatra School of the Arts.” -Needs citation

If you don’t end up finding a lot of information for specific decades consider consolidating into just a Career section.

Source 5 did not link anywhere for me

Source 9, 10 and 11 linked to World Cat – Maybe manually cite so it stays just a book citation and not link anywhere?

Overall really good start lots of new info! Much better organization than what was there! Good variety of sources, continue to make use of the textbooks sources and journal articles, maybe try to incorporate more academic journals if able to as sources over newspaper articles and interviews. Neutral writing so far, but will get trickier when starting to write on her political and social themes. Great job so far!

Jregister152 (talk) 21:45, 6 March 2019 (UTC)jregister152

Peer Review by Paola Garcia
For the lead section, I think you guys could move the last two paragraphs where you talk about the years she's done things to her career section under the corresponding time periods. This would better fit the article's structure. Once you move this sentence to the appropriate section:"Also, from 1979 to 1985, Lady Pink painted New York City Subway trains", you'll also be able to take off the word "also."

Early life section: The last sentence in the first paragraph where it talks about why she didn't finished high school seems like it's missing more explanation. What does "graffiti-related shooting" mean? Also the last section that talks about her marrying someone doesn't seem to fit in with the other things talked about. Consider maybe adding a "personal life" section or perhaps an influence section? I also think that maybe name origin could go underneath her career section where you have place holding text for a short intro bio. Would also be interesting to know when she started using this name, if she used it when she was in school then it would make sense to keep it in the early life section.

Career section: Since she's a living person, use is instead of was when talking about her other mediums. Consider changing "despite her being known for graffiti..." to maybe "Predominately working in graffiti, she is also a painter and illustrator" or something like that to remain a neutral perspective. Also since you talk about her being in a film, consider briefly mentioning her as an actress?* as well.

The structure/outline seems good so far and I know you guys are still working to get more information to fill in these section. If the timeline doesn't work out I think separating the info into lead, early life, career, influence, political/social theme is good too. Remember to remain netural when talking about the things her work deals with, maybe just focusing on her visuals rather than the possible meanings behind them.

Overall really good start!!!