User talk:Mhughes189/sandbox

Peer Review from Emma
Hey! This is Emma Chapman doing my peer review for your article. I like your sources, they all seem to be very strong and academic. Your section about the Paiute origin stories is pretty strong and it was interesting to read. Maybe name it "Origin Stories" instead of "origin" just so people don't get confused. Your introductory paragraph has lots of really interesting information, which is great, but I think it might need some just really general information at the very beginning to introduce what this article is about. I think you might also check the tenses of the verbs in the intro--every so often I think they switched into present tense when you were talking about past and vice versa. And then lastly, make sure all the info in the first paragraph is connected. I'm guessing you just didn't have time to write everything you'd like, but some of the sentences--the relationship with the Shoshone, their current economic status, their nomadic/sedentary behavior--didn't seem as related to each other as they could have been. You might be able to fix that with transition words like However and thus, but you might just want to put each of these observations in different subsections. Anyway, really interesting and complex topic. Good luck!