User talk:Michaelchan1998/sandbox

=Instructor Feedback on Peer Review/Draft 2=

Abbi9517 thanks for your review, and for providing concrete examples of how your peer can improve their writing - this is very helpful! Great work, but don't forget to sign your name with four tildes (~) after leaving a comment. Grade: 14/15.

Michaelchan1998 you've received a very helpful peer review, please incorporate all of their suggestions into your article and consider the points they made very seriously (specifically those about expanding certain areas, subjectivity, and clarity of your sentences). I see that you responded to your 2nd peer review in your sandbox talk page, which is great, but you were also asked to make all proofreading, grammatical, spelling, and structural changes and write a brief sentence or two explaining what you will add to your article for the final draft and how your final article will be improved. Please do this ASAP. In terms of your second draft, I'm concerned because you did not make the improvements to your page from your last peer reviewer, and you did not add enough content to your draft. Would it be helpful if I gave you a word count? After you respond to your second peer reviewer and outline your goals for the next few weeks, please then review the comments made on the last round and make the relevant changes/additions. Lastly, to reiterate: be sure to write more and add more content. Lastly, your second citation isn't properly formatted, make sure to include all of the bibliographic information. Please let me know if you have any questions or if I can help in any way. Grade: 10.5/15 Gardneca (talk) 15:09, 24 March 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review 2
Opening Paragraph I think this paragraph is good as it is short and to the point which gives the reader a good idea of what happened in the Siege of Carthage. I would change "It was a siege operation, starting sometime in 149 or 148 BC, and ending in spring 146 BC with the sack and complete destruction of the city of Carthage" to "The siege operation stated in approximately in 149 or 148 BC and ended in the spring of 146 BC. The siege resulted in slaughter and destruction of the City of Carthage" Changing words will draw the reader in and make a more concise picture in their mind.

Background You give a lot of good information within the background but I think it needs to be expanded on such as explaining who the Numidians are, and who their king is.

Siege As you used "unfortunately" as your opener this is a subjective term leading your reader into a mindset they may not have, keep it unbiased. As this is your main section of the whole page I think you can create subsections about the Siege to give your reader more information. As well the sentence structure needs to be looked at I think you can make 3 sentences out of your first one. This link has a lot of good information that you could add into this paragraph https://books.google.ca/books?hl=en&lr=&id=u684AgAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT4&dq=siege+of+carthage&ots=h8Z8xbXTl5&sig=zp_xK458svL_yR-A3Tijs4sEpmA#v=onepage&q=siege%20of%20carthage&f=false

Aftermath The information is very good and to the point, just look over the paragraph and capitalize words that should be "Roman". — Preceding unsigned comment added by Abbi9517 (talk • contribs) 13:14, 11 March 2020 (UTC)

hi thank you for your kind and detailed review of my improvements on the draft I will certainly make sure to put the link you have sent me to good use and I will make sure that all the changes that you recommend are put in place — Preceding unsigned comment added by Michaelchan1998 (talk • contribs) 23:24, 17 March 2020 (UTC)

=Instructor Feedback on Peer Review/Draft 1= Michaelchan1998, you can find your peer review on this page and your peer reviewer is right that you need to add more content. What you've added to your article already is really good, and your sentences are all straightforward and properly cited. You simply need much more information on this page. Expand all the points that you added, as well as the existing sections - add, add, add! Now that you know how to edit the page and have proven that you can improve it by adding scholarly information, kick this into high gear. I want to see much more by the end of the week! Grade: 15/20 Gardneca (talk) 12:16, 4 March 2020 (UTC)

=annotated bibliography=

Name Michael Chan (144499c)

Wikipedia Topic: The battle of Carthage

1.    Hoyos, B D. Truceless War: Carthage's Fight for Survival, 241 to 237 BC, BRILL, 2007. ProQuest Ebook Central, https://search.proquest.com/legacydocview/EBC/468147?accountid=8172.

This source will be used to supplement the crucial information that is missing or biased in favour of the Romans much of the information in the article on the battle of Carthage seems to paint the Carthaginians in a negative light, but the romans are portrayed more positively. A good example would be the mention of the Carthaginian casualties during the battle but the failure to mention any of the Roman losses during the city while also claiming that the Carthaginians also apparently threw themselves and children into the fire. I hope to use this source to rectify or expose some of the falsehoods about what happened during the siege of Carthage.

2. Hoyos, B. D. Mastering the West : Rome and Carthage at War. Oxford University Press, 2015. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=nlebk&AN=925702&site=ehost-live&scope=site.

This source is one that I hope to use in order to chronicle the lives of the many different characters and the the timeline of events that took place which ultimately led up to the final battle of Carthage and saw Rome as the master of the mediterranean. A good example would be the lives of the great generals and their deeds which the article often at times fails to mention.

3. Goldsworthy, Adrian Keith. The Punic Wars. London: Cassell, 2000.

This source will give me a more accurate and unbiased portrayal of Carthage as a whole since many of the sources I have managed to gain hold of only seem to portray a rather biased roman world view of the the war.

4. Steel, C. E. W. The End of the Roman Republic, 146 to 44 BC : Conquest and Crisis. Edinburgh History of Ancient Rome. Edinburgh, Scotland: Edinburgh University Press, 2013.

I hope that I will be able to use this source to not only show how the siege of Carthage ultimately led to the demise of the Roman republic but also how the Punic wars as a whole forever changed the outcome of the Roman Empire by enabling its transition from republic to empire. this source will also allow me to properly examine and analyze what gave the romans such drive to destroy the Carthaginians

5. Le Glay, Marcel, Cherry, David, Voisin, Jean-Louis, and Le Bohec, Yann. A History of Rome. 2nd ed. Malden, MA: Blackwell Publishers, 2001.

Upon close examination I have deduced that this source will be able to provide valuable and missing information about the details of the battle and how it came to pass through its chronicling of the punic wars. it is my intention to be able to use this source in order to figure out how I might best be able to use its information to paint an unbiased and accurate portrayal of the many distinguished individuals on both the roman and Carthaginian sides in order to get a better grip on their characters as people rather than historical footnotes or long forgotten names