User talk:Michelle.lynch/sandbox

MATT's Comments

1) Are all the parts there?

I think that you definitely have all of the parts. I was impressed with how much detail you have in your article. I'd say that it is pretty extensive, and I wouldn't say you need to add any more information.

2) Is the opening "hook" strong?

This is more or a formatting thing, but I think you may need to change your first sentence a bit. I think you should start with her name because that is how I've seen most Wiki articles written, rather than "Born and Raised in Wisconsin." I think you can leave that for later. I think aside from that the hook is pretty strong.

3) How's the style?

I think you'll need to format it more like a wiki article, but I don't know if that is something that we do when actually creating the article. I also wonder if you may want to cite your sources a little bit more. Maybe it was just how I looked at it but I only really saw one citation throughout the article. I figure Wikipedia will want more than that.

4) Overall impression of the article

I really like it and I'm impressed with the detail that you were able to find on your scholar. I'm a little unsure about the language style. I think that your writing does a good job of portraying Kathryn Olson as an excellent female scholar, but I worry that it doesn't do so in an unbiased way. It definitely sounds sort of promotional. "Her achievements began as a student, but didn't stop there." or "she has had an immense impact on the contribution and relevancy of women in Communications." I just worry that this seems more promotional than educational. I think rather than telling us about how impressive she is, you should let her accomplishments sort of speak for themselves. Although, maybe I'm just writing my article differently. I'm just wondering if maybe this could be reformatted to a more neutral format.

Some sentences you could change

ORIGINAL: Born and raised in Wisconsin, Kathryn M. Olson is currently a Professor and Department of Communication Chair at University of Wisconsin- Milwaukee

CHANGE TO: Karthryn M. Olson (born MONTH, XX, XXXX) is a current professor and Department of Communication Chair at University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee.

ORIGINAL: From 2006 and on, she has been a Full Professor at the University of Wisconsin- Milwaukee, as well as served as the Department chair from 2014-present.

CHANGE TO: From 2006 onward she has been a Professor at the University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee and has served as the Department chair from 2014-present.

Spencer's Comments

1. Are all the parts there?

I would say absolutely. There is a lot of good information and all of the information that was asked to be put into the article. I thought that the detail of the article was really well done.

2. Is the opening hook strong?

I think that it is a good start but you could make it a lot stronger I believe. I think that if you take out the first part "Born and raised in Wisconsin, that you could have a much stronger hook. I think saying her name and then what she does lets it flow a little better.

3. How's the style?

I thought that this article was very well written. Your sentences are very concise and get the point across without them feeling like they are running on. I did not see any grammar or spelling mistakes. The only think that I saw and I believe Matt saw too was only one citation. I also think that Wikipedia would want more.

4. Overall impression of the article?

Overall I thought that the article was really well done. The information that you provided was really good and you designed it to flow very well. I was impressed with the headers and how you arranged them into the order that you did. I think that the way you did it made the most sense. I thought all the research you did was also well done making sure you had all the dates lined up was well done as well. Overall I thought it was a really good and well written article. — Preceding unsigned comment added by SpencerWilker23 (talk • contribs) 03:45, 6 April 2017 (UTC)

Good comments, very specific, esp Matt. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Aburnett412 (talk • contribs) 02:10, 26 April 2017 (UTC)