User talk:Mingkzhang/sandbox

Where are your sources?
I understand that you are adding a section to the existing page. Please add your academic sources. I found them on the Discussion Forum but not in your sandbox. DH

Your prose needs a lot of work
Dear Mr Zhang

Good progress. Your sources are fine. You need to work on editing the FN into proper reference style. Your prose is not adequate. Please bring this draft to the Teaching and Learning Commons for help. I think you might have an extra "t" in FF first name. Is this a new stand-alone article or addition to existing article? Giving you 15 points for now. DH--DHertzGSR (talk) 15:30, 20 November 2018 (UTC)

Lots of work left
Dear Mr Zhang

You need to situate your article more carefully into some discussion of FF's biography, his importance, and what he actually published about Jews and antisemitism. Your prose is in drastic need of improvement. Have you been to the T and L Commons? Footnote 2 needs fixing. Keep working. Fifteen points so far. DH--DHertzGSR (talk) 13:59, 27 November 2018 (UTC)

response
Hi there Prof. Hertz,

I attempted to proofread the article myself and fixed a bunch of errors. Please tell me if further improvement is necessaryMingkzhang (talk) 21:36, 3 December 2018 (UTC)

Quite a bit of work left
Dear Mr Zhang

Please have the staff who helps you at the T and L Commons send me an email with their approval of your prose. It is hard for me to believe anyone there would have signed off on your text. If they did, I will have to meet with their director to understand the limitations of their staff.

Just a few of the problems:

"has an ideology" is not proper English style "perceived to have to be" not proper English You are unclear about whether it is the racism or the races in last sentence of first section. "part of F's objective" not proper English "same nature" is not the correct word Section on "Parallels" is not clearly necessary. Looks like a repeat of previous paragraph. "isms" do not have agency to hate. FN 1 Needs date in the proper location FN 2 titles should not be in caps FN with Coultard: he seems to be the author of an article inside of a collection. Who are the editors of the collection?

You have until midnight on M Dec 17th to submit.

Good luck

DH--DHertzGSR (talk) 19:33, 12 December 2018 (UTC)

Partial points awarded
Dear Mr Zhang

Thank you for all the hard work you have put into your article. I see a lot of improvement. However this is not publishable in its current form. The language is not clear enough and the amount of editing necessary to prepare it for publication exceed that can be provided in the format of this course. I am awarding you 25 out of the 30 points possible. DH--DHertzGSR (talk) 19:23, 18 December 2018 (UTC)