User talk:Missi Jarrar/sandbox

=Evaluations=

11/7/18 Evaluation by AFpsu1

Grade: 90%

Spelling/Grammar

Meets Expetations Everything flows fairly well and is well-worded!

Language

Meets Expectations I don't see any problems here!

Organization Meets Expectations Good structure, especially so far since it's just a rough draft. Looks good!

Coding Meets Expectations. Looks like you did followed the coding well and formatted everything correctly.

Validity Meets Expectations Everything seems valid and seems to check out!

Completion Meets Expectations You have a lot of progress so far! Great job.

Relevance Meets Expectations All of your facts seem relative and significant.

Sources Meets Expectations You have a really great list of sources started here!

Citations Meets Expectations. Great! The only thing is that when I click your little number citations, it doesn't lead me anywhere. When I click the actual links in your references page it does though.

References Meets Expectations. Looks great overall! You have a great start here, just need to add a few more sources and you're good! Good job. — Preceding unsigned comment added by AFpsu1 (talk • contribs) 06:38, 8 November 2018 (UTC)

10/16/2018 Evaluation by Acrimin

 * Points: 29
 * Grade: 72%

Spelling/Grammar
Meets Expectations I would personally combine the second and third sentences with a comma just to make it flow a little better, but technically speaking there isn't anything wrong with how it's currently worded! I would also cut off the last part of the third sentence if you do combine the second and third sentences. Snow melting quickly is a given if it has a hard time accumulating in the first place. The first three sentences are unchanged from the original article, though, so I do understand if you'd rather leave them alone.

Language
Meets Expectations Seems perfectly fine to me! It's unbiased information about the weather.

Organization
Meets Expectations It's a little hard to grade this one specifically because it's based on paragraph structure and our first assignment is only one paragraph. There sure is a full paragraph there though, so I'd say you're doing fine!

Coding
Does Not Meet Expectations As I said in the citation section below, your citation links appear to be broken and do not lead anywhere. I'm pretty sure it's just a coding error, so if you reenter them, you should be good to go!

Validity
Meets Expectations It's solid information about the climate of Worms, Germany. Not much else to say here.

Completion
Meets Expectations You've got the snow, the rain, the temperature and the sunlight all covered in a single paragraphs. That's pretty solid information as far as climate goes.

Relevance
Nearly Meets Expectations I don't think you need quite so exact a number for rainfall - 20.84252 is getting a little chunky. I understand it's very accurate, but I feel that 20.84 would work just as well without taking anything away from the article itself. The same goes for temperature, which I would change to 50.5 instead of 50.54. If you can round down (like 20.842 can be rounded to 20.84) without impacting the data in your article, I think that would make it easier to read.

Austinxi (talk) 21:52, 17 October 2018 (UTC)
The climate in the Rhine Valley is very temperate in winter and quite enjoyable in summer. Rainfall is below average for the surrounding areas. Winter snow accumulation is very low and often melts quickly. Average temperatures are 50.54 degrees Fahrenheit with slightly warmer variations detected since 2008. [1] Precipitation in May, June, and July averages 20.84252 inches with July experiencing the most rainfall and February the least. Worms enjoys a long term average (1951-1980) of 1709.7 hours of sunlight. [2]

Spelling Grammar
Meets expectations I didn't see any problems with spelling or grammar.

Language
Meets expectations Is good; I would just recommend some changes: Maybe instead of using "enjoyable in the summer"for describing the climate use a more descriptive like sunny and clear skies since enjoyable depends on the person. Also for your hours of sunlight stat maybe add in that it is 1709.7 hours/year just to make it clear.

Organization
Meets expectations All points are connected to the climate topic in this paragraph so yeah it works. Maybe separate your ideas into season rather than types of weathers like rainfall, sun, snow statistics.

Coding
Does not meet expectations The links are not linked.

Validity
Meets expectationsAll factual information about the climate. So it works.

Completion
Meets expectations You could always add some details like is the average temperature (the 50.54 stat) during the winter or all yr around? And it seems like the temperature has been relatively the same since 2008 so is there something maybe that would prevent Worms from experiencing the same affects that maybe another city like Portland has experienced? (Portland's general climate has definitely changed comparing now vs 2008). But those are just suggestions.

Relevance
Meets expectationsEverything is related to the climate.

Spelling/Grammar
Exceeds Expectations Wonderful.

Language
Exceeds Expectations The sentences sound just a bit choppy; combining them like Ashley suggested is a great idea.

Organization
Exceeds Expectations Also fine, since it's only one paragraph.

Coding
Meets Expectations The citations have nothing to link to.

Validity
Exceeds Expectations Everything seems solid!

Completion
Exceeds Expectations The numbers have too many data points for most people; they tend to glaze over them, and you risk them not finishing the article/section. Rounding them is a very good idea.

Relevance
Exceeds Expectations This is all useful, but you could also add data about each season and take out the "quite enjoyable" part, since that's so subjective, like Austin said.

Spelling/Grammar
Exceeds Expectations I didn’t catch any mistakes.

Language
Meets Expectations Overall, I thought it was very clear and concise. All very factual statistics, in both paragraphs.

Organization
Exceeds Expectations Thought the organization of it was well established however I’d suggest minimizing the number of examples you give. For example: the new businesses opened in Lyon, instead of listing all the companies maybe pick 3 and add an “etc.”

Coding
Exceeds Expectations All seem to work

Validity
Exceeds Expectations Everything seems great!

Completion
Exceeds Expectations You’ve met the required length and exceeded the number of sources. Awesome job on 16 sources!

Relevance
Exceeds Expectations Both paragraphs were very relevant to their subject titles

11/08/2018 Evaluation by Acrimin

 * Points: 35.5
 * Grade: 89%

Spelling/Grammar
Does Not Meet Expectations In the section about Demographics, "During the 2015 French census 53.1% of Lyon's population were female and 46.9% were male." MIGHT need a minor fix. "Were female" and "Were male" might need to be replaced with "Was female" and "Was male". It reads easier to me that way, but it might not be gramatically incorrect. "Were" just feels wrong in this instance. **Hannah butting in here, you might change it to: "At the time of the 2015 French census, 53.1% … were female and 46.9% were male."

In the paragraph below that, "Age statistics place the 18-64 demographic in the majority making up 67.1% of the population with the 0-17 demographic making up 18.3% and the later consisting of citizens 65 and older." needs a little tweaking: "Age statistics place the 18-64 demographic in the majority, making up 67.1% of the population. Citizens age 0-17 make up an additional 18.3% of the city, with the rest of the citizens aged 65 and older."

The last paragraph in demographics requires some minor tweaking as well. "The majority of the population are French who historically consist of Celtic and Latin with Teutonic, Slavic, North African, Indochinese, and Basque minorities peoples." could use more punctuation to make your meaning clearer and the article easier to read: "The majority of the population of Lyon are French, who are of Celtic and Latin with Teutonic, Slavic, North African, Indochinese, and Basque descent."

"Immigrants work prominently in the service industries and low qualification level jobs largely in construction, commerce, and industrial manufacturing." can also be changed to "Many immigrants work jobs with low qualification levels such as construction, commerce, industrial manufacturing, and the service industry."

"entrepreneurs than non-immigrants Nonetheless" is missing a period. "entrepreneurs than non-immigrants. Nonetheless"

"have risen about a third with African migration leading Asian and Eastern European newcomers." needs a comma and some editing. "have risen about a third, with immigrants primarily from Africa, Asia and Eastern European."

"The highest skilled European immigrants come from the European Union countries while the lowest immigrate from Algeria." needs minor edits. "The most skilled immigrants tend to come from countries within the European Union, while the least skilled immigrate from Algeria."

In the Modern Economic Trends section, the first part of the first sentence "a leading city by 1800," is seperated from the rest of the paragraph. It's an easy fix, just smush those back together again.

"of its early modern history creating a thriving" needs a comma "of its early modern history, creating a thriving"

"The French Revolution" the "the" isn't capitalized, it would be "the French Revolution" which you could also link to the wikipedia page on the French revolution.

"Revolution significantly slowing its urbanization, but by" needs a comma and a new sentence "Revolution, significantly slowing its urbanization. But, by"

"The city experienced another economic transition after World War II. Between the 1950s and 1970s Lyon experienced significant advancement in the form of infrastructure." You only really need one of these sentences, so pick one to keep and delete the other.

"Modern Lyon is a hub of technology and industry proving itself an economically dynamic city." needs a comma "Modern Lyon is a hub of technology and industry, proving itself an economically dynamic city."

"businesses opened in Lyon including" put a semicolon on the end before you list the businesses. "businesses opened in Lyon including:"

Language
Meets Expectations There are some grammatical errors as listed above, but the language itself is solid and I understand the points that you make in your article.

Organization
Nearly Meets Expectations Requires some restructuring in the second paragraph of the Modern Lyon section. Different business aspects should probably have their own so that all the statistics don't get mashed together. It's a little hard to read as it is now.

Coding
Meets Expectations I don't see any coding errors!

Validity
Meets Expectations Your citations and sources are good quality, and you have more of them than you need!

Completion
Meets Expectations You have the required two paragraphs worth of material (so 8-10 sentences) and 10+ sources. Good job!

Relevance
Nearly Meets Expectations In the Modern Lyon section, you may just want to focus on the Lyon of today and not the Lyon of the 1700's and 1800's. I know history is important as a resource, and this is a history class, but in this particular section of the article it doesn't make sense to have information on anything that isn't modern/current day. I would also say that you don't need to name so many companies by name unless you have sources for every single one of them. It just clogs up the page, and makes the relevant data more difficult to get to.

11/10/2018 Evaluation by Hannahshipman
Hannahshipman (talk) 01:04, 11 November 2018 (UTC)

Spelling/Grammar
Meets Expectations Some tiny typos, but overall pretty fantastic! Most of them are related to commas, so "The highest skilled European immigrants come from European Union countries[,] while [those with the least skill] immigrate from Algeria."

"A leading city by 1800 (is this really necessary? It needs to be integrated), textile production was dominant in Lyon throughout most of its early modern history, creating a thriving city throughout the seventeen and eighteenth centuries.[7] Lyon sustained damage during The French Revolution [which] significantly slowed its urbanization, etc.

"Industrial manufacturing is also (in your paragraph, also was used two sentences ago; avoid repetition) prominent in Lyon[,] producing 75,524 jobs."

Language
Exceeds Expectations Professional and readable.

Organization
Exceeds Expectations I really like your Demographics paragraph; it's very self-contained. The Modern Trends one I think needs some more work on the layout to make it flow better.

Coding
Meets Expectations I second Ashley: you need to wikilink (I didn't make that word up, I swear) your text to supplement the data you already have and make the article more well-rounded.

Validity
Nearly meets Expectations "Lyon sustained damage during The French Revolution significantly slowing its urbanization, but by the mid 1800s textile manufacturing created a boon in the city's economy." This sounds dangerously close to an exact quotation of Clark. Also, a few sentences later you mention "another economic transition," but if it was first focused on textile production and then on textile manufacturing, there was no economic transition in the first place!

Completion
Exceeds Expectations Two large paragraphs, 16 sources listed, overall readability and relevance is high.

Relevance
Exceeds Expectations Looks good.