User talk:Mjackson53/sandbox

You have a very good start to your page. The mechanism and abstract are very well written. I would mention some of the recent research in the abstract because the abstract is a summery of the whole page. The treatment and prognosis section seems very short, I know this is a draft, but if you can try and find more information on both. Also remember that the recent research should have 2-3 articles it seems like you have only one. --- Neal Patel

You did a good job on the rough draft, I can see the effort to attempt each section. For the mechanism section I would suggest adding some information about what specifically occurs in the kidneys to cause increased chlorine absorption. Also, I would say maybe just add more content about the causes/go into more detail. In the Recent Research section I like how you summarized the key points of the study and highlighted how it connects to your condition, just make sure to include more types of research in this section. - Richa Patel

--Sweiner02 (talk) 04:40, 25 November 2017 (UTC)
 * Your abstract feels like a series of disconnected sentences, rather than a clear summary.
 * Do not include citations as links in text. Just cite them.
 * Could use some reading over for clarity, grammar, and flow.
 * Needs more citation! Use wikipedia format for citations.
 * I feel like there are a lot of places that you're adding title buzz-words just to include them, not because they make sense. Flow over buzzwords!
 * Link to the kidney, don't give full details on kidney function. Just list key bits, cite and explain how things go wrong.
 * Link to other wikipedia pages.
 * What would lead a doctor to order this test?
 * You are not writing for a patient. Do not write like patient instructions. This is an encyclopedia article.
 * You should be able to find more recent research.