User talk:Mjb399/sandbox

Hi Morgan, Great start on choosing your articles. As for your complete evaluation of them, make sure to include your findings on the article's tone, sources, and talk page. Check our your peer, Nick Allen's, or my wikipedia page for an example outline of this. Keep up the good work! -Momo Sumomox4nouchi (talk) 23:35, 7 February 2019 (UTC)sumomox4nouchi

Nicole's peer review
Area -"the abolitionist discourse and the sex work discourse" If the following sentence is the definitions of these two, you can make that more clear with the intro to the next sentence.

-"Further, this view sees sex work as a means of survival given the unequal distribution of wealth and poverty,[1] as well as a result of structural factors such as racism, classism, and sexism." After this sentence, you could provide information that refutes these ideas. I think using specific examples would be helpful.

Sector -"Case managers can play the role of connecting recovering persons to services that the recovering person may have limited access to or information about, such as food stamps and medical care.[5] " May want to reword this to make it more clear.

-"Others who have experienced similar difficulties, are on a journey of recovery, can also play a role in establishing a community and combating a recovering person's feelings of isolation[3]." Add "and" before "can" It would maybe be good to give an example of these support groups. How organized are they?

-"Theory suggests that recovery from mental illness, substance abuse, and trauma requires helping survivors understand their rights so they can increase their capacity to make choices.[3] " Maybe outline some of these rights that directly could affect the sex workers. For instance, "many sex workers do not know about ___ although, findings show that with this increased knowledge about ___, = result.

-Are there debates about trauma-informed care?

Notes: -You have a good clear structure. -In defining the issue, do you think it would be useful at all (for creating a more neutral tone) to address voluntary sex work? -Your sources are good -I see your note on adding info about policies of what sex work discourse advocates for which I agree you should add.

Overall, I think you do a good job at expanding your wikipedia article. The main thing you can do is just add more detail about certain topics. Good job! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Nchinny (talk • contribs) 18:16, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

Jackie's Peer Review
General Comments: Overall, good work so far. Reading your notes for your sources shows you have thought critically about how their content can be used in your chosen articles but also to how they relate to your PE. I think this can be very useful because you’re able to learn more about the success and limitations of your PE.

Area:

Section "COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS"

Your are relevant and I think provide a clearer and simpler structure when possible. Your initial edits on the abolitionist discourse are well supported and flow smoothly with the content that’s already there. You did a good job of rewording some phrases that sound biased. I think for the following you could perhaps add the word oppressive to describe the structural factors. (“Further, this view sees sex work as a means of survival given the unequal distribution of wealth and poverty,[1] as well as a result of structurally oppressive factors such as racism, classism, and sexism.") If you just say structural factors, it might not indicate how they are linked to sex work. Also later when you discuss the sex work discourse, I think it’d be helpful to maybe give a sentence as to how it’s contradictory for the abolitionist discourse. Just a thought. For the sentence "A number of activist organizations seeking to provide services to trafficking victims, lobby for anti-trafficking legislation and generally raise awareness about sex-trafficking. These organizations also advocate for the criminalization of sex work that is consensual." (I think this sentence could be moved around or split into two. I personally had difficulty keeping track of what I was reading.) Some anti-sex trafficking programs and initiatives have been criticized for giving non-trafficked sex workers incentives to identify as victims of trafficking to gain so they can gain access to resources such as shelters.

Section "DEFINING THE ISSUE"

- "Sometimes vulnerable looking girls will be abducted while walking to their cars if they look distracted and are alone." - "Don’t think this bold part is necessary.Other times the pimps will go up to a victim and convince them to leave with them, often offering a job of or some kind of money. I think you can take out "some kind of" - "After the victim has agreed to the pimp's offer, they are forced into not leaving by forcing addictive drugs, with-holding money and physical/sexual abuse." Perhaps: After agreeing to the pimp’s offer, victims are forcibly dissuaded from leaving through the use of addictive drugs, the with-holding of money, and physical/sexual abuse. (I was trying to arrange the sentence so it flowed more smoothly) - The end of this section uses the phrase “it is very common” and so I think it would be helpful to have a reference that supports the statements of the location of sex businesses. The reference could maybe be based quantitative or qualitative data.

Section "TRAUMA INFORMED RECOVERY"

I think that by adding this section, you will be able to greatly expand your W.article, especially in an area its lacking.

- "Scholars of Women's Empowerment Theory, Women's Psychology, and Relational Cultural Theory claim that neglecting the role of trauma in a person's story can interfere with recovery." How can this interfere with recovery? Perhaps you can discuss this in a sentence or two.

Great Work! Nicoleriver (talk) 15:17, 4 April 2019 (UTC)Nicoleriver

Responding to Peer Review
Re: Nicole

For Area, thank you for your suggestions about examples, clarity, and counter examples! I definitely need to remember to be balanced in the information I’m giving, especially about the debates surrounding sex work/sex trafficking legislation, advocacy, and discourse. I will also add further clarification through definitions of some of the terms I’m using, such as abolitionist discourse.

Also, thank you for the point about clarifying between “voluntary sex work” and “survival sex work” in the Defining the Issue section.

For Sector, again, more clarity is needed so thank you for catching that! As for your comments on support groups, I don’t know enough about each case to say anything definitive, and I’m not sure going into depth about what support groups do and how they are organized is particularly helpful for my overall idea. I think it’s a good question, but I think it might be outside my scope. I will also outline rights that survivors have in the recovery process! I’m not even sure what those rights are – my guess is right to a lawyer, right to refuse service, right to stop or not answer a question… but I’m not sure, so I’ll look into that!

Thank you for your thoughts and ideas!

'''Re: Jackie '''

Your feedback is so helpful and specific, thank you! For Area, I like your suggestions on flow and adding clarity. I also will take into account adding more explanations for how the different sides of the debate (sex work discourse vs. abolitionist discourse) actually differ. Thank you for also helping me further edit the content that is already there, especially in the Defining the Issue Section. I agree the original wording was clunky and not that neutral or encyclopedic.

For Sector, thank you for helping me see how I can further elaborate on the possible hindrances to recovery if service providers don’t use a trauma-informed approach.

I really appreciate your thorough review and suggestions! Mjb399 (talk) 22:42, 11 April 2019 (UTC)Morgan