User talk:Mkay96/sandbox

Mkay96,

I think you have a solid body of information in your lead paragraph, but there are some areas that seem a little redundant or repetitive and a few small changes in structure/format could have a great impact on the message of the article, while still keeping much of the info. In particular, I would focus on revising the focus on the Pamir language group in the second paragraph. The opening sentence of the lead reveals that Munji is a part of the Pamir Languages so you do not need to reiterate that in the next paragraph. Instead, you could dedicate a sentence or two to defining the Pamir languages to give a little background, while ensuring that your overall focus is on Munji. To me, dedicating too much time to defining the Pamir group distracts from the Munji focus. To show you what I mean I'll attach a rough example of what you could do:

original: "The Munji language, also known as Munjani, Munjhan, and Munjiwar language[1], is a Pamir language spoken in the Badakhshan Province in Afghanistan. It is similar to the Yidgha language which is spoken in the Upper Lotkoh Valley of Chitral, west of Garam Chishma in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, Pakistan.

Munji is a language that falls under the grouping of the Pamir Languages, which is located under the Indo-European Languages. All together, the Pamir Languages contain numerous sub-languages which account for about 250,000 people located throughout the Eastern region of the Hindu Kush. The Pamir Languages of Munji, Wakhi, Shughni-Rushani, and Yazgulomi can be compared and related to each other."

example of making Munji more of the center point: "The Munji language, also known as Munjani, Munjhan, and Munjiwar language[1], is a Pamir language spoken in the Badakhshan Province in Afghanistan. It is similar to the Yidgha language which is spoken in the Upper Lotkoh Valley of Chitral, west of Garam Chishma in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, Pakistan.

As a member of the Pamir Languages, a group of interrelated Indo-European Languages which account for about 250,000 people located throughout the Eastern region of the Hindu Kush, Munji is spoken by about 4,000 people located mostly in Northern Afghanistan. It can be closely related to other Pamir languages like Wakhi, Shughni-Rushani, and Yazgulomi."

This change might seem a little nit-picky, but I really think it makes it more clear that your article's focus is on Munji, rather than the Pamir Language group. More background on the Pamir group's relation to Munji could be done with another section. Try to keep the lead as general to Munji as possible with just simple facts that can later be elaborated on! Overall, great stuff and hope this helps!

peer editing
This article provided a lot of resources with a lot of information. The information was pretty broad though, she should go into more detail about the topics talked about. For example, she talks about how similar the sublanguages of The Pamir languages are, but doesn't provide any details about what the similarities are. Also, she should focus more on information about the munji language itself, she mentioned some facts about it but mostly compared it to the other languages. Lastly, I think she should provide a little more history of the language, it felt a little incomplete. Overall, she has a good structure and outline, she just needs a little more details and elaboration on the topic. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Aubreerose94 (talk • contribs) 17:17, 7 April 2017 (UTC)