User talk:Mkozlow18/sandbox

Hello Mkozlow18! Here's My Peer Review, as Assigned to Fellows
Hello Mkozlow18! I was impressed by the extent of your initial draft for the article Power (social and political). I am glad that you are providing a broader perspective of Foucault's understanding of power/biopolitics to the article. However, given the Wikipedia guidelines for peer review editing (relevance, neutrality, over/underrepresentation, accurate and working citations, reliable references, up-to-date information and referencing), I would say that there are a few ways that it could be improved within the next period of time.

First, I would suggest you incorporate a few more citations in addition to Discipline and Punish in your list of references. I would suggest some of Foucault's other works such as The Archaeology of Knowledge (1969) or Madness and Civilization (1961), and perhaps some of the secondary literature on the subject and debates as to Foucault's relevance and accuracy.

Second, I think it would be suitable and helpful to add further internal links to other existing Wikipedia articles or pages. A link to the title of the book Discipline and Punish, for one, could be created or expanded.

On that note, perhaps some of your treatment of Foucault's conception could be redirected to a page devoted to him or his various published titles. This section on Foucault, as it stands now, would be a little overblown in comparison with the views of other theorists on the topic of power as the article now stands, which could also be included and addressed. (The current sections on Galbraith and the brief mention of the work of Hobbes, for example, could and arguably should be expanded if the section on Foucault is to be expanded to this extent, too.)

Lastly, I would recommend the adoption of a simpler style of language that would be more accessible and easier to digest for the average reader and user of Wikipedia. This could be done, for example, by reducing the length of your sentences, or by restructuring ideas so that they connect together.

There were a few other edits that could be made, but this is altogether a well-researched and interesting initial contribution to the topic.

Best of luck for the duration of the cohort!! Regards, Beutber (talk) 04:07, 21 July 2018 (UTC)