User talk:Mlt4k8/sandbox

Amanda Kubiak's Peer Review
The self-evaluation of the article is very thorough and helps break-down the article into what needs to be addressed and edited. I agree that the latter part of the article needs the most attention as some of the wording is hard to read or understand.

In regards to the Cultural section, I like how you added another paragraph in the middle to include more research and add more information to the section. I think if you are able to find one more study about the Cultural aspect of Self-Concept, I would definitely add information about it just so you can include a little more information in this section. The wording that you fixed in the first and third paragraphs helps the flow of the sentences and definitely makes it easier to read and understand. I agree that the Media section needs to be completely re-done. There definitely needs to be a couple more sources to give this section more validity and to explain any research that was done on the idea of media related to self-concept.

For the gender differences section, the study you used to talk about differences in men and women in the first intended paragraph may be outdated. The study was done in 1987, over 30 years ago, so if you are able to find a newer source for this that includes a more recent study, I would definitely incorporate it into the article. Other than that, I like your ideas on how you plan to improve this section of the article.

Good work so far! I think your research and edits will really help improve this article.Akubiak (talk) 19:31, 14 March 2018 (UTC)


 * Peer review response: Thanks for the review! I know the article is older, but it has been cited as recently as 2008 in other articles and it just focuses on basic gender differences, so for now I am going to keep it. Mlt4k8 (talk) 21:36, 22 March 2018 (UTC) In regards to the cultural section, I appreciate your feedback. I am looking for some additional studies to add more examples and information to this section. Sdkvd (talk) 16:08, 23 March 2018 (UTC) Thank you! The media section does need work with building up validity, and I am currently trying to find research that directly relates to the topic. Again, thank you for the feedback! Mullin.rae (talk) 03:01, 24 March 2018 (UTC)

Chris Graves Peer Review
I like the depth you've added to the Cultural Section by breaking down Western/Non-Western differences. Not only have you provided a closer look at how these cultures differ, you've given insight into WHY these cultures differ which backs up your claim and fills an existing content gap.

I have two suggestions/comments. First, your citations aren't set up very well at the moment. There are a few empty references made multiple times that need to be filled with information on your source. Second, I would suggest editing some of your word choice. Using terms like "however" in a sentence can create a tone of argument in an otherwise simply informative piece of writing. I would suggest writing about each topic (in this case western vs non-western culture) in independent statements of fact and allow the comparisons to be made by the reader. In this way you can avoid any bias, intentional or not.

Graxevs (talk) 20:19, 14 March 2018 (UTC)
 * Peer review response: Thanks for the review! We know the grammar and citations are a little wonky right now, but we plan to work on that once we finish drafting. We have been citing anything we might use just in case, but we plan to fix this before moving to wikipedia and only moving the sources we have used. Mlt4k8 (talk) 21:36, 22 March 2018 (UTC)  Thank you for your feedback.   In regards to the culture section, I have added additional citations to the second paragraph and to my additions in the third paragraph.  I am working to confirm the source used by the previous authors in the third paragraph.  Once this is done, I will add additional citations to this section, as I agree the section is lacking citations.  I also agree with your suggestion to remove the word “however” and I have done that throughout the culture section.  After re-reading the paragraphs I agree there is a lot of comparisons made, and I will reword those sentences to separate the types of cultures and make it more factual instead of comparison based, which can easily lead to perceived bias. Sdkvd (talk) 16:10, 23 March 2018 (UTC) Thank you for the feedback! As previously stated, we will be fixing the citations, but I hadn't realize how much information was missing from some of them. Thank you for bringing them to our attention! Mullin.rae (talk) 03:02, 24 March 2018 (UTC)