User talk:Morasks11/sandbox

A note on copying text from other websites
On this page there should not be any sections copied directly from another website. It is ok to use short quotations when they are necessary but the quotations used are are too long and could be summarized. Read this article to learn how to avoid accidental plagiarism when creating wikipedia articles: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Plagiarism

Eahrensdorf (talk) 18:29, 20 November 2012 (UTC)

Overall
All project descriptions are directly taken from the American Mural Project’s website

Informal language → kids vs. children

Parallelism → advisor vs. Advisor, formatted dates

Link to organizations (e.g. Habitat for Humanity, Manchester Craftsmen’s Guild, etc.)

Cut out direct quotations from Ellen

Formatting
Title above the Table of Contents

Artist section should come in the beginning of the articleFirst Line

“unusual” word choice. “unique?”

Second Paragraph
“10,000 kids” informal language. children

History
The American Mural Project (FIRST LINE)

all sorts of ordinary Americans”, the American Mural Project is currently a quarter way finished.

all sorts of ordinary Americans.” The American Mural Project...

more than 10 thousand people have worked on it so far”. Other sources say over 15,000 people have worked on it, etc., open quotation mark. Period belongs inside the quotation. As opposed to designating two possible values, offer a range and take out the et cetera. (e.g. between 10 and 15 thousand people have contributed thusfar)

It is currently stored at the Hartford Public Library

would be prudent to add “in Hartford, CT” for clarification The choice for this final location is for several reasons, including the mills’ historical significance in the 19th century for workers as well as federal, state, local and private initiatives to revitalize main street Winsted since 1998 to make “long-unused buildings and sites habitable again”.

was made for several reasons,

workers, as well as

Main Street in Winsted

period inside the quotation mark

The Important Dates section should either be a subheading underneath the History heading, or its own heading altogether. It should also have parallel formatting. (e.g. September 2006 or 2010 or May 25, 2012).

This section needs citations.

About the Project
The American Mural Project is a three-dimensional, indoor, mural located in Winsted, Connecticut.

three-dimensional, indoor mural located

over 10,000 students from diverse

stay consistent with statistical figures

with each “element”

in which each “element”

Besides that, Ellen also hopes that with the completion of the project, more attraction will be placed on the town it is located in, Winsted, Connecticut. When talking about Winsted, she stated, “you can’t tell me there aren’t going to be new jobs there, new businesses, new opportunities. I can’t understand how there couldn’t be.”

biased language?

The date of completion of this project is currently unknown. Although in September of 2011, Griesedieck estimated that roughly 70 percent of the mural was completed.

Progress inconsistent with History section. quarter of the way vs. 70 percent?

The People
From multiple state projects, to contributions of over 10,000 kids

No comma necessary

To create each element Ellen pairs experts in their field with local school children.

each element, Ellen (is Ellen too informal?)

Over 15 thousand people from all across America have taken part in the mural to date.

consistency Though the project aims to include and represent nation wide contributions the mural has so far received contributions and support from the following people and places:

nationwide (one word)

nationwide contributions, the mural

semicolon use before subheadings?

Foundry Project
Students of a New England prep school

Students from a New England preparatory school

Taos Tiles Project
own designs on glazed tiles that at a distance will form a mechanic’s shirt

glazed tiles that, at a distance, will form a mechanic’s shirt

AMP Sports Project
link to Golden Paints?

Indigo Squares Project
Informal language (kids → children)

Paw Prints Project
young Native Americans from LaDuke’s White Earth reservation the girl scouts of Troupe 591

American Indians

and the girl scouts of Troupe 591

informal language

Then the kids used the stencils and materials

Then, the children used stencils and the materials

Glass Project
Wearing protective glasses and thick gloves and directed by Blenko veteran David Osburn, the kids learned to blow through long tubes, watching the liquid glass take shape.

Wearing protective glasses and thick gloves, the children watched the molten glass take shape as they blew through long tubes under the guidance of Blenko veteran, David Osburn.

Hope Meadows Project
Seniors also live in subsidized housing there, in exchange for six hours of weekly service in the community.

Senior citizens also live in the subsidized housing in exchange for six hours

Health Corps Project
AMP’s Health-corps projects are a cooperation with that organization and Mehmet Oz, AMP advisor and renowned heart surgeon, who founded Health-corps to combat childhood obesity through health education. The projects will produce a giant sculpture from tongue depressors that kids from the organization are decorating at various venues around Health-Corps’s New York headquarters.

Health-corps, Health-Corps, Health Corps? informal language

Health-Corps’s → Health-Corps’ *assuming spelling is correct

Space Studies Project
Students on high-school robotics teams

Students on high school robotics

Ax Handle Project
The project produced two axes – one for the mural and one for Wisconsin one for Wisconsin? elaborate

Habitat for Humanity
Volunteers on Habitat projects around the world are sending us scraps from the projects, out of which Ellen will create a 17-by-10-by-3-foot representation of a gable under construction to incorporate into the mural.

sending us scraps from the projects

citation? direct quote?

Maine Project
On the first day, they brought back rubbings from the streets of Portland, a gigantic piece of drift wood, fishing nets, lobster traps, lawn ornaments, and a number of smelly bait bags.

Driftwood (one word)

smelly bait bags (word choice)

Links Project
Keiding Industries donated the links, for which they had to make a special mold according to Ellen’s design – the largest ever mold for a recycled paper-pulp object.

mold (mould)

Pennies for Peace Project
AMP’s Colorado state project took place in September, the day before International Peace Day, at the Journey of Hope Benefit Concert at Red Rocks Amphitheater. September (2009)

Why is it called Pennies for Peace?

Is this in the right section?

Eahrensdorf (talk) 18:35, 20 November 2012 (UTC)

Additional Sources
We have collected several other sites you could use to support your wiki page.

http://www.epa.gov/region1/brownfields/success/09/Winsted_CT_American_Mural_R1_SS.pdf

http://www.rwcwc.com/americanmuralproject.htm

Here's a news station that interviewed Ellen http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GNlk6AbF3o

http://www.gfwcct.org/GFWC/images/amp_faq.pdf

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9505E3D7143FF934A25755C0A9619C8B63 Amaclean13 (talk) 18:59, 20 November 2012 (UTC)

Notes from Megan
Hello AMP folks,

I've taken a look at the edits suggested by the UMass group, and I agree with their recommendations, most critically regarding the sections on different programs. Even though you cite the source, these sections should be paraphrased and not copied word for word - both to avoid plagiarism and to keep your article succinct. I think you can summarize each program in a couple of sentences each, and this might be a way to highlight how the program is innovative.

Take a look at their suggestions for additional sources - the links to the EPA and the NYTimes are particularly interesting (EPA because it discusses the environmental impact of the project, and NYTimes because it's a notable source).

Let me know if you have any questions as you make your final revisions.

Megan Lyster (talk) 15:46, 6 December 2012 (UTC)