User talk:Mpf53/Sickle cell disease

Like Teak, I had similar questions about the layout. Most of the regional findings are under epidemiology, but currently that is a lot of hard numbers, whereas you also discuss cultural factors, which are in another section. This is fantastic information, and very useful, but you may have to rework it into different sections of the article, or change the structure of the article itself. I would also work on tone neutrality. My full comments are on the peer review change, but great job! --Cnoellec49 (talk) 01:04, 9 April 2021 (UTC)

I'm so impressed by how extensive your findings are, excellent work! The only thing that I could add, and this may be because I'm not as familiar with the layout of the Sickle Cell Disease wiki page, is that it might be helpful to layout what part of the page this information will fall under. If I'm looking at the right page, then I assume the work you've collected here about Uganda will be situated underneath the "Africa" subheading. It may help other peer reviewers just to have that clarity. --TeakHo (talk) 21:45, 7 April 2021 (UTC)

Overall great job! I left a few suggestions in terms of organization in my peer review.Rhya Evans (talk) 13:29, 8 April 2021 (UTC)

Great work! My one question is about how SCD manifests itself symptomatically such that people with SCD face stigma. I understand that the lack of knowledge about SCD contributes to this stigma, but how do other Ugandans know who has SCD? I really like that you guys focus in on one country, going deep rather than covering many countries. Sophianunn (talk) 13:35, 13 April 2021 (UTC)

PROF FEEDBACK Hi YOU ALL DID SUCH GREAT WORK HERE --Liliput000 (talk) 19:16, 22 April 2021 (UTC)
 * first paragraph - "the cultural framework of secrecy " could be changed to "a culturally sanctioned secrecy"; "Those who *were* informed about the disease learned *such* from family or friends and not from health professional" edit to -- *are informed* and *learned about it from* and add an "s" at the end of the sentence; delete " This suggests that public health information in the country is not adequately available to Ugandans, yet " as it's more of an analytic statement, and put the 2nd half of that sentence perhaps at the top of the paragraph; "The differences, physically and socially, that arise in those with *sickle cell*, such as jaundice, stunted physical growth, and delayed sexual maturity, can also lead them to become targets of bullying, rejection, and stigma." add *disease*
 * "Rate of Sickle Cell Disease in Uganda" Paragraph -- cut ", explaining the strong social stigma and frequent misunderstanding surrounding the disease" as this is an analytic deduction of yours (right?); where you say "sickle cell" say "sickle cell disesase" or you can also use the acronym SCD if you prefer
 * comment -- this information constitutes as true crisis in my view, I hope there's broader awareness of this -- and if not your work can help this especially if you create links to your work that will drive traffic to it.
 * "Misconceptions About Sickle Cell Disease" paragraph -- "The stigma around the disease is particularly *worse* in regions of the country ..." change to *bad* or say *worse* without the *particularly*; next sentence, drop "however" and again in the last sentence
 * "Social Isolation of People with Sickle Cell Disease" paragraph -- refer to sickle cell disease or SCD but not "sickle cell" otherwise no edits here
 * Comment: I LoVE that you made a subsection on women - so important
 * "mothers" paragraph -- no edits BUT I think that some of the "environmental beliefs" stuff should be added to the misconceptions paragraph - it's fine to have the same info in two paragraphs so you don't need to delete
 * "pregnant" paragraph -- last footnote - period before citation