User talk:Mrusak/sandbox

AHIS 320 Peer Review
You have a comprehensive article under way here, Mrusak. The sections are clearly structured and read smoothly. Given that the lead section contains important information about Dashti's background, would you consider creating a separate "Early Life" section? The opening lead sentence sets a tone that is more reminiscent of an "Early Life" (or equivalent) section than a lead--which might mention earlier on that Dashti is an artist/photographer. Having that information about what she does in the opening sentence, and using the lead as a space to summarize the content that appears in the rest of the article, could make for an even better reading experience. The fact that Dashti's "parents had chosen not to flee Iran during the war" might also be worth including with the other details of her background.

I noted a few adjectives in use, including "extraordinary," "captivating," "uncanny," "relatable" and "influential," that also contribute to the tone of the article. I would be cautious of using these words to describe a subject's work and/or its potentially affective qualities, as they can disrupt the 'neutrality' of the article, making it read more as a (positive) review of the work than an encyclopedia entry (and, surely, different works will have different effects on different viewers). An alternative, in the case of the last sentence, might be to edit out some of the adjectives, along the lines of: "Through the combination of light, subject matter and medium, Dashti hopes to place the viewer into a state of instability"^citation (if that is the case). On another note, perhaps "violent situations" (in the lead) could be reworded in a way that reiterates the specific violence(s) that influence Dashti?

The sections about her work are highly engaging and up-to-date. Your writing here flows very well and is focused on the content of each series. I am personally very interested in this content aspect, however I think that some technical/formal details are necessary to include as well. For instance, how many photographs are in each series? Is most of Dashti's work digital? I think that these subtle details are important in describing the work of a visual artist, also when there are not really visuals alongside the descriptions. Overall, a very good article, I would mainly adjust the wording to keep the tone "neutral" and the lead section more general. MParacha (talk) 08:05, 6 April 2018 (UTC)