User talk:Musicismylife085

I am a way to jealous,angry and sad girl. I have a boyfriend who I will probably lose sooner or later. He gets angry because I can't change in an instant. Like I am supposed to change overnight. Trust me I have tried I JUST CAN'T! why can't he see that.It hurts me a lot to be the way I am. I have low selfesteem. people continue to make it lower, including myself. I HATE the way I am. I want to change. But I can't. I am truly surprised my boyfriend hasn't left me yet. Because almost everyone is better than me. He deserves better than me. All I cause him is anger. No I don't want to lose him but he would be better off without me. His/My friends don't make anything better by talking about all these hot girls and all that stuff around me a lot. And it doesn't help when they are rude to me to make me angry/upset. I can be optimistic for others but not for myself. I just wish that he would see that there is better. Yeah he says how he loves me and stuff but just wait until it finally clicks in his head. I just sometimes wish that I was the only one he found attractive. I know that is impossible. but it might help if our friends would stop talking about it. I always just want those moments like in movies. I want to be the beautiful girl that a guy falls in love with. I want to be the girl with no problems. I just want my fairy tale. I know I'm not beautiful and I know I don't have the best personality. But I just wish I was. But since that won't happen I just have to live with it... Just I want my boyfriend to see that I can't just change in one night. And I wish he would see that there is better than me. I love him but I don't deserve him. I want to keep him but I keep pushing him away. I ruin my own life. But I blame others. I just hate me.