User talk:NWhitten1776/sandbox

All information appears neutral and are backed up by citations. The content ratio is satisfactory for what's currently there. There are a very small number of errors such as a lack of a space and punctuation.

Interesting read with a neutral tone. Seems good so far. Xiaoqiao12 (talk) 06:00, 22 February 2019 (UTC)

Instructor comments
In the lead, would be a good idea to note that Seito was a feminist magazine, or a women’s journal. It is important for that reason, more than for being a “popular” journal. Consider adding more to the lead to give a better sense of the trajectory of Ito’s life, and/or her importance.

Her family name is Ito, so refer to her that way throughout the article (instead of as Noe). First paragraph of “Early Life”, change the word “whenever” to “when”. In Oklahoma and Texas people use these two words interchangeably, but that is a regionalism. In formal writing it is important to make a distinction. “Whenever” refers to something that happens continuously; for example: “Whenever I go to Sonic I order a milkshake.” This means “each time”. But if you are speaking about a specific instance, you must use “when”. For example, “When I went to Sonic on Tuesday, I ordered a milkshake.” You CANNOT use “whenever” in this sentence because it is an event that happened once, only on Tuesday.

When the article refers to Osugi Sakae, be sure to render his name in this name order: Osugi is his family name. Same for Kamichika Ichiko (Kamichika is family name).

Is there some reason you have left out the paragraph in the original article that discusses the journal Seito? This is arguably the most important part of the article. Also, all the citations appear to be stripped from the article in your sandbox. I see only one place so far where you have added a couple of sentences; otherwise the original article is unchanged. One of the citations you DO list does not include an author name.

You appear to have made changes to the section headings, but they do not appear to be an improvement. In general, it looks like you have not done much beyond transferring the original article to your sandbox and adding a couple of sentences, while also deleting some of the good material from the original. Elyssafaison (talk) 02:26, 4 March 2019 (UTC)