User talk:Nataliedeerr/sandbox

Feedback
The work you have done so far is good, but at this point you should have more written. When you edit sections that already exist don’t be afraid to delete or change things to make the information you are adding flow well. As you continue it would be helpful if you put in the other sections that you plan to work on, so you don’t have to move back and forth between your sandbox and the Wikipedia page. Also having those sections will help you to think about what sources you may still need to find in order to write them, or just remind you that you need to do them. Also as you go make sure to include your sources, or if the section already exists and doesn’t have a source try to find one for it, or change it. Kjatczak (talk) 15:00, 31 October 2015 (UTC)

Dr. V quick feedback
Hi, ND - Could you please expand the kinds of feedback you want to be more precise? Can you post your proposed changes to the talk page of Juvenile court article? Kayla's feedback will give you a great start. Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 14:27, 5 November 2015 (UTC)

Heading to discuss child soliders
Hello, again! First, let me say that I LOVE this section idea. Very, very useful.

I wondered if the term "international crime" could be changed our clarified. Looking at your source article for this section, the section might be called "Child soldiers" or "International tribunals." Or, are their other human rights international tribunals you think of discussing? What do you think?
 * Other quick thoughts on lead section:

Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 20:04, 7 November 2015 (UTC)
 * What is the outline for your lead section?
 * Your first sentence, "try and pass judgement" is awkward. Can you find a definition from a source?
 * Can you put in your lead WHY we have separate courts and try kids in a different setting? This should go in the first paragraph, I think. Maybe move some of the third paragraph up to the first?
 * Did the UN try to improve "the" juvenile justice system or "juvenile justice systems in nations around the world"?
 * "Increasingly global in many contexts" - this entire paragraph would benefit from editing. Would you say the theme of this paragraph is changes or trends in juvenile courts.  It would make sense to identify the main idea for each paragraph to achieve clarity.

Collaboration0826 Feedback
Peer Edit: Natalie Deer Editor: Jamie Willer/ Collaboration0826

Lead: -good use of hyperlinks and being thoughtful in connecting with other pages -adolescent/ children treatment versus adult treatment for same crime → 	develop this thought -“particularly young offenders may still not be prosecuted as adults” → could 	use more active wording with greater clarity _ I like that you address the lack of data on the numbers of juvenile offenders 	prosecuted as adults -Instead of saying “Australia and Japan” I would recommend saying Several 	countries, including Australia and Japan, …” because I am assuming they are 	not the only countries who are in the early stages of developing this -Specify main differences between adult and juvenile justice systems and 	hyper -link adult (implications of being tried differently)

Models: -list examples of specific offenses that can get a youth placed in prison -I would recommend moving this first paragraph out of the models section 	and into the lead or into a section labeled “Defining Juvenile Court” -I would recommend adding in a source for the definition you use in the first 	sentence or try to combine this with info provided in the lead (this info is 	good and necessary background info and could be introduced before 	discussing talking about global perspective if this info applies to all juvenile 	court, if not and it is simply discussing U.S. I would make sure to clarify that 	-can you hyperlink more in this section? Perhaps delinquency? Where is 	the source for this definition 	-I second Becky’s comment about adding the criminal justice section, 	specifically go into more about what restorative justice model is, does this 	have a hyperlink? It would be cool to create subsections of each of these 	countries and what specific things they are doing to follow this model

Reform: -source is needed for the statistics presented in this paragraph - I really like the information you are presenting but I think it needs to be 	more clear what you mean when you use the sociological terminology 	presented in the second paragraph, go more in depth about what the current 	arguments are for separating them and what the historical background is for 	youth and their “construction” in policy

-I like how you include see also and further information, good use of connecting and hyperlinking

Overall, great start and content. I think by rethinking a few structural things noted above and going more in depth on a few concepts and comparisons this will turn out to be a really great article ☺ — Preceding unsigned comment added by Collaboration0826 (talk • contribs) 21:54, 15 November 2015 (UTC)

Feedback from Rachel
I mostly altered some of the wording of your article as well as some minor punctuation edits. Your article is very well structured and follows a wonderful NPOV throughout. Keep up the good work! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Rberggren (talk • contribs) 00:37, 16 November 2015 (UTC)