User talk:Natashacobb/sandbox

PEER REVIEW:

Great first draft with lots of good info and explanation. I have some small suggestions that could possibly help you out:

First Line: -bold the "Child Rights International Network (CRIN)" part -maybe put an apostrophe after "United Nations" ? ie. United Nations' Convention... -instead of "advocate for" maybe you could say "goal is to promote children's rights"?

Background/History paragraph: Im sure you are going to do this anyway, but add "history" in header format. Im sure you are also going to add your sources later using the wiki citation tool in the editor, but just a friendly reminder to do so.

-add citations for the historical information such as when it was formed, and clarify the transition from "began in 1991" to its formal founding in 1995. Maybe add hyperlinks to "Radda Barnen" and "Defence for Children" if possible, and clarify your acronym -change "with a secretariat in" to "by a secretariat from Save the Children head office in London, England." -Clarify the Acronym "DCI" and add hyperlinks to both "Save the Children Sweden" and "DCI" -change "like funding..." to "such as funding..." -"During the Geneva years" is repeated, maybe think about cutting one or rewording it. -After "Big steps were taken as an organization.." maybe add a ";" instead of cutting the sentence. Overall, awesome info but some rewording can be done to increase the flow and citations are needed.

About: -Capitalize the "Child Rights International Network" and cut out the "is" in the same line. -maybe gather your in-text citations at the end of the sentence; ex. "...mainly in Africa.[1][2]"

History: -maybe combine this paragraph with the "About" paragraph. -cut the "hopefully" and "one day" parts to keep the wording neutral -add citations

Laws: -maybe shorten the explanation of what laws are? -"Research is conducted..." by who? -"The report" what report? -laws used to create a better understanding? I would say that the laws are used to enforce child rights, not educate people on them. -add citations

Overall this is a solid foundation for expanding this article. Hyperlinks, formatting, and wording changes will effectively spruce up this draft and citations are needed in the Law and History paragraphs. Great work so far. Mdpinksen (talk) 01:04, 6 March 2018 (UTC)