User talk:Nbarta/sandbox

Good Day Nbarta!

Great pick on an interesting article.

I wanted to start out on things you did well. Things I saw that were great were:

You kept the neutral voice in your information and didn't give anything more weight or biased in view. Your information is clear and concise, there isn't anything that could be confused with something else. Your sources look to be valuable and nothing that is heavily biased or only focused on a narrow niche in the topic. Spelling and grammar checks out to being perfect (though I could have missed something small).

These things definitely will help aid in readers gaining an understanding of the epidemiology aspect for Aplastic Anemia. This also will be great to add since there isn't any information on the epidemiology for the Wikipage at all.

Things that could use work:

Your information doesn't seem to flow as well as it could; things are a bit out of order feeling The sentences for the information are very short and choppy.

Both of these issues are pretty connected with each other, and definitely not huge problems to worry about. You have great sources and information, it just needs to have rearranging. I would consider trying to find a way to lead into the topic, maybe explaining that "Aplastic Anemia isn't as common and then insert your fact about the incidence globally." Then perhaps follow that with the prevalence. Then you could have the incidence difference between Asia and with the US to come after those. Next, you could talk about the survival rate, and end the section with those who have an increased risk for developing Aplastic Anemia. You don't have to follow any of these recommendations, but changing the order so that the topics flow better with each other will help make it easier to read and for anyone else to add on to different areas.

Overall you have a really solid foundation and the right elements for having a great article and project, you just need to make some adjustments to smooth everything out.

Good job, and have a nice day! IIcarcar (talk) 00:21, 21 November 2019 (UTC)IIcarcar