User talk:Nchinny/sandbox

Hi there, Great work on article selection and evaluation. Your sector article is one that GPP students have touched on before-- way to carry on the torch! -Momo Sumomox4nouchi (talk) 23:57, 7 February 2019 (UTC)sumomox4nouchi

Kamu's Peer Review
Hi Nicole! Good job on your drafting so far! Here is my feedback:

Area I think the main thing I noticed in this section was some of the phrasing regarding how you present the facts you're sharing. For example, in the second sentence you're adding, I would encourage you to pick more neutral/encyclopedic language rather than saying "kick out." I also think more objective facts (i.e. the % decline in African-Americans in Oakland, rates of substance use among homeless youth, etc.) would be really good to help you be more encyclopedic and also strengthen the statements that you are making. Perhaps that is something you could look for as you find more scholarly articles? For example, I liked how you stated that 80% of Oakland residents could not afford existing households due to gentrification. Also, with regard to the statement about how homeless people often occupy spaces that middle/upper class people usually monopolize, do you think maybe sharing an example of such a space would be helpful? Just a thought (maybe you could add a picture of that space as well).

Sector Your first sentence is excellent and explains the 'Housing first' program in a very encyclopedic and neutral way. I think with regard to your discussion of costs/benefits, I would again play around with the phrasing to be as neutral as possible. Perhaps instead of saying "People against..." you could say "Critics of..." and maybe provide examples of politicians or other prominent officials who have spoken out against Housing First. Also, with your last statement about the increasing divide between the wealthy and the homeless, are there any statistics/objective evidence you might be able to provide? I think this is a really important aspect of both your area and sector so I would perhaps encourage you to look for scholarly articles that bolster this claim.

Good luck! :) Kpotharaju (talk) 16:17, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

Logan's Peer Review
Hi Nicole! First off, good job with your drafting. I appreciate you intensifying the much-needed critique of the discourse surrounding gentrification. As Kamu mentioned above, the encyclopedic tone would help a lot with these critiques. As you mentioned for your draft, "The emerging tech boom promotes ideas of free markets which perpetuates massive inequality, and thus poverty." While this is true, the language comes off as harsh, so I would recommend keeping that in mind. The original statement, "The ongoing gentrification in the SF Bay area is deepening structural divisions. The rapid economic growth of the tech industry in San Francisco and nearby Silicon Valley has created hundreds of thousands of new jobs." Keeps the balance of tone. Homelessness is an very nuanced issue and ensuring adequate data for a holistic approach is key.

Just to be petty, I dislike your last sector sentence. Other than that you're killing it! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Logan Snyder (talk • contribs) 22:06, 11 April 2019 (UTC)