User talk:Ndidiosian/sandbox

The article I will be improving on is: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jota_(music). I will be improving it with sections and information from: https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jota_(música)

Jordan's peer review
Hello!

Edited some grammar to fix sentence flow, and create less cause for confusion.

Got rid of unnecessary commas.

Changed a couple of word choices like “It” to be more descriptive. I think as a reader it does not sound professional, and it is always better to clear up sentences that can come off as slightly confusing.

Fixed simple capitalization errors, specifically for pronouns.

Changed “The Jota is probably a fertility dance” to “The Jota is likely a fertility dance”. A simple change like this adds confidence to your writing, and assures the reader that the sources are good.

You need to split this information into sections so that it is easier to consume. My recommendation would be to end your lead after “The Spanish dance Jota came to be in the 1700's and is likely one of the most traditional dances of Spain.” It would make for a good ending sentence after the very brief, yet informative paragraph you wrote.

Your second section can be your description of the dance, which is explained in great detail.

After that you go on to explain the geographical history, with some descriptions of the dance in there. I think they should be separated. For example, when you talk about the dance being similar to the waltz. Information like that should be put in the previously mentioned section.

You have some nice solid sources, but your work would greatly benefit from finding even more sources within academic journals from the Rutgers database or google scholar.

Jordang1276 (talk) 20:15, 5 April 2018 (UTC) Jordan Ghusson