User talk:NesreenShah/Ableism

Hi! I posted some suggestions regarding grammar and content for your section. Overall, I thought this was a really important topic to expand on. Great job! ^That's from Renee

Prof Feedback
Some editorial comments/citation suggestions --
 * This is an incredibly important and impactful addition to this article - I'm so excited that you're doing this! Since you're really developing a new section pretty substantively, I might suggest creating a mini-lead for it, preceding the first subheading that gives a brief overview and some context.
 * ableism in clinical settings -- You're missing a period after the second sentence, and you should have the source cited again either after the second or the third sentence.
 * in the first paragraph --- "Data from..." to the end of the paragraph -- I recommend moving it to just above the case of Michael Hickson, so that we have a sequence of examples of ableism and then examples of deadly consequences. Also though, do you have a source for the last two sentences of the first paragraph? ("While this... triggering")
 * healthcare in criminal justice settings --- the first sentence doesn't really belong here -- either cut or find a spot for it maybe in a section at the very top, just before ableism in clinical settings where you can essentially give your section a mini lead.
 * In the third sentence - "by disregarding their needs" can be cut unless you have a citation, because you're adding some analysis with that, and that's going to be interpreted as "bias" -- it's also already implicit so you don't necessarily have to say it
 * Do you have page numbers for the parts of Disability Incarcerated that you're using here? It would be helpful to do so.
 * healthcare policy --- hyperlink COVID-19
 * I suggest cutting "The importance of understanding how ableism is present in healthcare policy, and the means by which such policy detrimentally impacts people with disabilities, is important to be able to see the exigency of change in policy. Indeed," --- this is more persuasive/argumentative and the beauty of wikipedia is that you can make your persuasive arguments there by how you let the facts and references speak for themselves. (Because you're not meant to analyze or opine, but rather serve as a vital collection-node of information and writing and opinion that already exists on this topic).
 * Same reason -- I suggest cutting "Unsurprisingly, then, with such an ill understanding—and with so much bias against—patients with disabilities," and perhaps more simply stating "Aversive views about disabled patients lead to ableist and harmful healthcare policies."
 * "Though not necessarily exclusive to COVID-19," comes off a bit conversational so I also recommend cutting/revising there
 * In the next sentence can you indicate where the quote comes from (so that we can have some context even though there is a citation)?
 * instead of "especially concerning because" (which again expresses more of an opinion) --> "has a disproportionate impact upon disabled people because..."
 * The final paragraph here also needs revision to maintain an encyclopedic tone as opposed to opinion or your own analysis.
 * I'd be happy to look at revisions!