User talk:Nmaganti/sandbox

Content
Although we think the information presented in the introductory section is good, some of it needs clearer explanation. For example, most people will not know what a ribonucloprotein particle or polymerase III transcripts are. In your introductory section you say, “Given the association with the nuclear membrane and the location within the cell, vaults are thought to play roles in intracellular and nucleocytoplasmic transport processes.” Explain the association with the nuclear membrane that you refer to. The way the information is currently presented, you make it seem like it is common knowledge. You did this again in the introduction, as well.

The contents of each section justify the lengths of the sections. Additional material could potentially be added to the Biological Applications section, especially in the Cancer subsection. Also, consider clarifying the Research Methods subsection, as some of it was confusing. The highlighted examples in the Biological Applications section seem to be appropriate, and thus, you could elaborate on them.

Your article has the potential to have many links to other Wikipedia pages; however, there currently are none. By creating these links, people have the opportunity to read more about topics they are unclear on, so you will not have to explain them in as much detail. The PowerPoint presentation given on Wikipedia has information on how to make these links.

In general, your group succeeded in expanding on the information in the existing Vault RNA page, without repeating it. A few minor overlaps occurred with dates of discovery and research and with discussion of what species Vault RNA is seen in. So, it will be important to carefully combine the existing and new sections when finalizing the page.

Figures
Is a video (or even this particular video) allowed on Wikipedia? If yes, did your group check with the copyright requirements? We had technical issues watching the video and were not able to view it. Since an original and high quality figure is required for this project, consider creating your own helpful figure. Although it would be informative and unique to use a video, a figure might be better for the purposes of this project and to avoid any copyright infringements. Even though there was a picture on the existing article for Vault RNA, maybe consider finding a more detailed one that you could incorporate with your information, instead of using a video.

Overall Presentation
Take care in combining your new information with the current page. For example, the current page’s introduction includes some history that you might feel would fit better in your history section. On the other hand, the current introductory section contains some relevant information that should be woven into yours. Similarly, the Species Distribution section of the current page might be combined with the first paragraph of your expression section. You might need to rearrange information (and the section headings) in both your sandbox and the current page so that everything is cohesive.

The writing style is something that could be improved. Some of it seems conversational, while it should be more formal and informational. For example, in the structure section, instead of using the simile, “that look like vaulted ceilings in cathedrals,” explain that vault RNA got its name because of that vaulted structure; we felt this description was too casual. Additionally, phrases like “human expression of vRNA is interesting because…” sound more subjective and could be rewritten in a more objective way. A final example comes from the introduction, where you say, “if we are to examine further, we would find…” which sounds too informal. Additionally, try avoiding “we” or “us” in your article.

In summary, important changes to be made consist of including links to other Wikipedia pages, adding a figure, fixing the reference formatting, and making the writing style more formal and objective; overall, improvements should be focused on formatting. We felt that your group accomplished a detailed, yet concise, overview of Vault RNA by focusing on the most important aspects of this topic and by using relevant examples. Additionally, each heading was necessary in context of the article and the organization of the page made sense, when reading it.

Cev455 (talk) and srclough (talk)

GSI Comments
Hi Nmaganti,

Thank you for your addition to this page. Please take into consideration the above comments, especially linking to other Wikipedia pages. Also, you use both vRNA and vtRNA. Try to keep this consistent.

Overall it looks good! Polish it a bit and I think you will have an excellent page.

Elizabeth — Preceding unsigned comment added by ChemStudent24601 (talk • contribs) 13:44, 27 October 2014 (UTC)

Suggestions from ChemLibrarian
Good work! A couple of more suggestions here.

1. Please fix the reference format issues as suggested by the first reviewer. Besides the slides I posted on CTools site, you can also watch the videos on the following two pages.

2. It's great that you found a good video to use. But the syntax you used can be modified and you should add some captions to it too. Here is an example to modify it   You can find more syntax to change the location and size of the video on Help:picture tutorial.

3. Although there is not much content in the original article Vault RNA. But you should still consider incorporating what's there, especially the references, into your own writing. Just to respect others' work. Others will respect your work too.

4. When you move your article to the formal page, there is no need to use Introduction as the heading for the first section since it can be used as the lead section.

Hope it helps! Please let me know if you have any questions. ChemLibrarian (talk) 15:11, 27 October 2014 (UTC)