User talk:Nwilli34/sandbox

African American neighborhoods talk  The talk article that explains about how black communities operated before, during, and after segregation. The big topic that keeps coming back is that they were flooded with progression and the community was flourishing. Compares southern black neighborhoods to northern neighborhoods and doesn't make it seem like as much of a opposites like most believe but show there differences and similarities. The article expands on how the neighborhoods of the black community are starting to fall but the big focus is information about the growing of and product of the black community.Nicholas Williams

Overall you have a good basis for a wikipedia entry. However, I would suggest that you use something other than the word "colored" to describe African Americans, such as African Americans, people of color, or minorities. Also, I would suggest adding statistics or other real world examples to help prove your points of poor advertising practices and obesity in the black community. Adding these examples can help make your entry seem less opinionated. Bcaryn (talk) 21:39, 1 November 2018 (UTC)Caryn Butler

Your overall first draft is good, but I would recommend to add some data or statistics to make your claim more credible. also clarify why this topic is important to human rights and why people should be aware of this.

Dianthia Williams (talk) 05:56, 3 November 2018 (UTC)DianthiaWilliams

Alixes' Peer Review
Let me first begin with how impressed I am with the tone of your contribution. You really take a stand on what you are writing about and I can tell that is something you care about. The contribution was obviously well thought of. While reading your contribution the edits I found were minor. Please keep in mind that these are only suggestions and with each one, my goal was to only make the contribution a little greater than what it already is.

Best Wishes, Bouvayali (talk) 02:19, 6 November 2018 (UTC)bouvayali

Grammatical suggestions

...there diet....their diet

consider adding instead into the statement "but genetics do"

"this is a repeated cycle." -What is exactly?

consider adding "their" into "...doesn't affect health"

Suggestions related to overall style and layering of information

Towards the middle of the contribution, you kind of switched your stand. You went from taking a stand of how the when it comes to promoting unhealthy foods there is not much diversity and that they mainly display images of the black community. To take a stand on low-income black homes and how they don't have healthier eating choices.

While the contribution is straightforward, it does seem a bit opinionated.

Finally, consider adding your references to the actual contribution after you state information that you may have used from each.