User talk:O.Joness22/sandbox

Hi Olivia,

You have great new additions for your chosen article and I love that you put them in bold.

There are some things that need revising.
 * your citations should be at the end of your newly added sentences (some citations look like they are added at the beginning of the sentence)
 * the 4th bolded sentence in the "Early Life" section needs a comma after "In 1912"
 * the 4th bolded sentence in the "Early Life" section needs commas before and after "along with her friends"
 * To make the "Early Life" section more organized, you could make a new paragraph that focuses on Pankhurst's appreciation and love for fine arts HHonore22 (talk) 21:15, 21 April 2020 (UTC)HHonore22

Hi Olivia,

I would like to say that you did a great job on your submission so far!

There are only a few corrections that I would suggest that you make: (this was based on my observation before you made your changes)

--> Some of the wording that you used could be changed or reduced to enforce a better level of clarity of what you are trying to convey. --> Make sure that you are incorporating citations into your work in the correct format.

Note: Other than that, I think you did a very good job on what you plan to use as your contribution to the original page. I am confident that the information you have chosen will be helpful for future readers.

Amayacg (talk) 00:46, 27 April 2020 (UTC)