User talk:Oakland528/sandbox

There's a lot of work to do here before Monday's draft. You have a good outline of info, but no sources yet which is a problem. I would say to focus on expanding one or two sections between now and the peer review drafts. Colbuendia71 (talk) 19:48, 12 November 2016 (UTC)

I think you have a strong page set up so far. There's a ton of information here and it gives a full description of who and what the riversharks were. The biggest thing i can suggest to you is to think about formatting. All your information is there, but it isn't presented in a clear way. Add in some new headers, or some media of the riversharks logo if possible. Maybe walk down to the field itself and take a picture of it? That would look pretty great on the page. The Campbell's field part is similar. I think you have good information here, but it needs to be presented better. "The park, located at Delaware and Penn Avenues on the Camden Waterfront features a view of the Benjamin Franklin Bridge connecting Camden. Views of the Philadelphia Skyline are seen from the right-field grandstand" This gives me information, but i think it would be better either at the start or end of this section. Likewise, "Campbell's Field is a 6,425-seat baseball park in Camden, New Jersey, United States that hosted its first regular season baseball game on May 11, 2001." should be the very first thing under this subsection. That information is important! Maybe even put it at the very top of the page? I feel like the field is tied to the team, and thats good information about the field. As for the notable people, I think wikipedia has a house style for how to list people, List of people from Philadelphia, might be useful to format like this? All in all i really like the page. I learned a lot more about the riversharks than i knew before, so it terms of that i think you did a superb job. Your work is neutral and factual, and you make no opinions about camden or about the mistreatment of the area - which i think is important in an objective sports page. Great job! Rustygreaves (talk) 19:03, 16 November 2016 (UTC)

A good overview of the Riversharks. Consider trying to find more information about them leaving Camden and the circumstances surrounding this. Pay attention as well to issues of sentence construction and style. For example, it's hard to tell exactly what "Fifteen years later after $3.5 million the CCA spent when it acquired the stadium in 2015 the Riversharks announced in late October that they were leaving the city" exactly means. Also, it seems a duplication of info given a bit further up the page, which is something I noticed a few times. The biggest issue at the moment is the lack of citations: remember that this phase was supposed to be as 'mainspace' ready as possible. You obviously have sources for all this information, but you need to get citations up ASAP. The bottom of the page is obviously a work in progress: I would advise you to flesh out as much of these things as possible. For example, if Joe Walcott has his own page, consider linking to it and pulling information from there for a short bio on this page. Colbuendia71 (talk) 20:43, 22 November 2016 (UTC)

It's hard for me to tell exactly where your new material begins and your old material ends here, so I'll I'm going to comment on the section from "historical figures" down. The section on Joe Walcott seems good and self-contained and about the right length for the page. However, it lacks sources, which is a major issue. I know you had some technical issues with it, but that's something that needs to be added back in ASAP. I think you should consider coordinating with RustyGreaves as well since he is doing some work on notable figures. The major push here is for more information, whether about Rutgers Athletics (I know you said some technical difficulties had taken some of this material from you) or on more historical figures. Colbuendia71 (talk) 20:55, 13 December 2016 (UTC)

So I think from when we talked on Monday you've definitely added some clarity, which is great. The top part of you section is easily mainspace viable, although it could use some rewording. "When Rutgers-Camden owned the team in 2001...." could be rephrased to put it more into present tense. Something like "From 2001 to XXXX, Rutgers owned the team....". You talk about a 'new ownership group', who is that? Moving onto the campbell's field section, I think you give some good history which the sports section was severely lacking. Maybe add in a section telling about where the name came from? "On June 15th, 1999, former New Jersey Governor Christine Todd Whitman attended the stadium's first game. [10]" - is that relevant? I get why you put it there, but I feel like its a little unnecessary. Maybe mesh it into the paragraph above? As for the rest of the page, it's good information to start with but i think you still need to flesh it out. This page is pretty close to being mainspace ready, and i think it'll be a great addition to adding to Camden's cultural context. Great work! Rustygreaves (talk) 18:09, 7 December 2016 (UTC)