User talk:Obrienemilyh/sandbox

Word use
The phrasing using especially is awkward. Consider revising with a different word: (especially the saltmarsh periwinkle[1] ), Ccharliefk (talk) 15:23, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

"At high densities they may eat enough invertebrates to have ecosystem-level effects", what does "high densities" refer to (the population of turtles I assume, but try to be a bit more specific with this wording) Sgrey188 (talk) 15:26, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

the term 'powerful' seems redundant here: "while adult females, due to their powerful, defined jaw, will occasionally feed on"

Try rewording the phrase "periwinkles can themselves" to "Periwinkles, themselves, can". This is more grammatically correct.Sgrey188 (talk) 15:32, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

"is considered a threatened species in Massachusetts and is considered a "species of concern" in Georgia, Delaware, Alabama, Louisiana, North Carolina, and Virginia.[citation needed]" the addition of "is considered" is a bit repetitive. I would consider removing it, but isn't techniqually incorrect. Sgrey188 (talk) 15:39, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

Content
From the previous info consider rewording. This content follows what came before but doesn’t flow nicely: The diamondback terrapin is listed as a “high priority species” under the South Carolina Wildlife Action Plan. In New Jersey, it was recommended to be listed as a species of Special Concern in 2001. Ccharliefk (talk) 15:29, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

Try to link the page for a periwinkle. Sgrey188 (talk) 15:33, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

"crustaceans such as crabs and are more likely to consume hard-shelled mollusks" looks like some of these species have Wikipedia pages that can be linked. Sgrey188 (talk) 15:36, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

Waleeda2018 (talk) 15:56, 28 November 2018 (UTC) The following, "marine snails (especially the saltmarsh periwinkle[1] ), clams, mussels and other mollusks", could benefit from being highlighted.

word use
'is considered' is repetitive in the sentence. Try to be concise when listing. Also don't forget the citation. "it is listed as an endangered species in Rhode Island, is considered a threatened species in Massachusetts and is considered a "species of concern" in Georgia, Delaware, Alabama, Louisiana, North Carolina, and Virginia.[citation needed]" — Preceding unsigned comment added by Fmoahmed (talk • contribs) 15:32, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

"Gender and age can greatly affect the diet of the Diamondback terrapin, males and juvenile females having less diversity in their diet..." Long sentences that could be split into shorter ones, as well as written in past tense. Abdulazizalf (talk) 15:41, 28 November 2018 (UTC)