User talk:Ohjeezewhy/Ava's Demon

Hey so if you have noticed the (insert source here) scattered among my draft, that's just because I don't want the numbers to conflict with the numbers on the full article. I will be adding these in once I publish to the full article :) Ohjeezewhy (talk) 19:22, 25 July 2019 (UTC)

Janelle's Peer Review Hele Mai (talk) 19:25, 26 July 2019 (UTC)
Wow! A lot of great writing! I had never heard of Ava's Demon before and I enjoyed reading your synopsis. I think you were able to tell the story in a neutral tone and I felt like I understood what the comic was about after reading it. I do however have a couple of suggestions. Great job! It was a fun read!
 * I would add what source you gathered information from for the synopsis.
 * In the sentence "Maggie uses a power of her's to destroy the control of the spacecraft." I think it may flow better if you add what that power was.
 * In the same paragraph "Maggie, she meets with her demon..." I would remove the comma and the word she and just have it say Maggie meets with hr demon.
 * Lastly I think you had a typo in the second paragraph, you wrote: "Ava begin a killing rampage with her new powers..." The typo was the word "begin."

Grace's peer review Gracepchicken (talk) 06:00, 27 July 2019 (UTC)
Hello! After reading your article, I really want to watch Ava's Demon! You have a fantastic writing ability, and there are only a few things I noticed, that seem to not be fixed. One big thing I noticed was a lack of citations, which could make people question the things you wrote. There were a few sentences that seemed to be missing some words, which affected the flow of the article, but nothing major grammar wise. The neutral tone is awesome, and the whole background on the creator adds such a important detail! I also had to work really hard to remember citations, and a few missing words popped up in my draft, so you are not alone! Your sources all seem fine to me, the only issue is how few there are. The nice thing about this article is that you did an amazing job in rounding out the topic without pushing a specific point. Your sections all are a good length, have a good perspective, and maintain the same point of view. I enjoyed reading your article, and am excited to see the final draft! Gracepchicken (talk) 06:00, 27 July 2019 (UTC)

Article draft feedback
This synopsis work represents a meaty addition to the existing article, which is great to see! As you continue adding to and revising your edits, some things to keep in mind are:
 * You will want to include citations within the synopsis/plot overview. These will be to the relevant books/chapters of the comic.
 * This article might be a good candidate for an "External links" section (placed below the "References" section), where you could link to the relevant social media and to the sales page, which don't really have a good home within the text of an encyclopedia entry (directing readers to a sales page on what should be a neutral entry can be construed as bias).
 * In the original article, the "Reception" section is particularly sparse. Have you been able to find any other sources that would help flesh this section out? (If no, you can only work with the sources you can find, which is fine. It just seems like a potentially easy reach that could help strengthen the article)
 * As you finish your additions, you may also find that the lead section need light tweaking/adding to appropriately preview the new material in the article.
 * A close proofread before finalizing this would be useful, primarily for some punctuation bumps/clarity, verb tense shifts, and light phrasing edits. One example sentence (original): "Her demon Wrathia Bellarmina manipulates her and results in Ava's expulsion from school." Suggested post-proofread edits: Her demon, Wrathia Bellarmina, manipulates her, resulting in Ava's expulsion from school.

Let me know if you have any questions as you continue working on your additions and edits for this, and I look forward to reading your polished article! Nicoleccc (talk) 22:49, 27 July 2019 (UTC)