User talk:Ok.htx7/sandbox

Sela's peer review

You definitely seem to have reliable sources and do a good job citing everything you bring up. This is such an improvement on the original Transmission section and I love the studies you included!! These examples cover a lot of ground and help make the topic easier for readers to understand.

For the last two paragraphs, I think it would be really beneficial to add in some citations to support the statements that are here. Adding in support for these claims would help clarify that they are not just generalizations you’ve added in but rather that these have been proven, lasting effects of historical trauma. I also think that in the paragraph on the Trail of Tears it would be good to qualify it - it good that you acknowledge that the oppression is lasting and has significant impacts on Native American communities today, but I would also be careful with generalizations like ‘powerlessness’ because not all Native experiences (especially now and with transgenerational trauma) in the US are necessarily the same. Some citations or qualifications in these last two paragraphs would help a lot with this, I think.

Also, for citations, there are currently in-text ones but make sure you change those to footnotes linking to your references before the page goes live.

Then I just have a few super small copy edits:

In the first paragraph you write “behavioural” when I’m guessing wiki uses the American spelling of behavioral.

I also suggest adding some commas here, where I marked: “Theses studies often allude to the fact that often times adversity, especially early on and for longer periods of time, can impact development in individuals and their offspring.”

And in the final paragraph about the monkeys, it goes: “And consequently, this decreased serotonin, which decreased expression, which increased methylation, and therefore created a more stressed pup, causing this phenotype to be passed on through experience and genes.” I recommend switching up the grammar and removing the word “and,” maybe starting with “consequently, serotonin decreased…” just to ensure this sentence is grammatically correct.

Also, this wording is a bit confusing: “This trauma unless psychologically diminished perpetuates the impact for generations to come.” I suggest maybe switching it to something like “unless this trauma is diminished, it will continue to impact all future generations” or something like that.

Again, I think what you did with this article is really good!! Great job :)

Obi's Peer Review

I want to start off by saying you did well tying in diverse studies on different groups in history who have experience trauma from our nation's history. I think the Native Americans, African Americans, and survivors of the Holocaust are some of the most cited and well know groups who have experienced mass traumatization. Because they are amongst the most cited, this is why you were able to did reliable sources who have spent time analyzing these populations.

I may not have caught it, but where will this specific section fit into the article. Will this serve as a new section, if so, what is the title? I believe this should fall under a category of "research" or it should be incorporated within the "symptoms" section.

I believe that the tone of the piece is befitting of the subject: histories of injustices towards a population of people now plays a role within their lives. However, when thinking back to the training modules, I remember them saying that we should keep the tone and language neutral and indifferent. There are certain phrases, like "stealing their home", make your position on the issue apparent. Once again, it can be really difficult to remove the feeling when we have to write at an impartial standpoint.

Overall, i think the research done on this article was superb and well thought out. Great job. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 141.161.133.69 (talk) 07:23, 24 April 2019 (UTC)