User talk:Oliviadey/sandbox

This user did a great job of adding to this article. All of the information added is relevant to the topic, and was organized well. The lead does a good job of giving background info, and the following paragraphs are organized well. The sources are extensive and are all good links. The one suggestion I may have is make bolder headings, so that it is a bit easier to follow. It is written in a neutral tone of voice with no swaying of the reader. Brooke.baker873 (talk) 23:59, 15 October 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review by Erika Badalyan 10/15/19
Hello, before offering some suggestions, congratulations on writing a well-written article. There is a lot of content on this topic offered, and it seems that you really went above and beyond in your research.

For the most part, you maintain a neutral point of view throughout your article. You are not attempting to persuade anybody to have an opinion — positive or negative — of the Participatory Politics Foundation.

As an improvement, simplifying sentences is a great place to start. Several sentences are long and windy in your article. For example, consider replacing "The PFFS main goal is to keep representative democracy in the U.S. as a thriving political system, and they map out 4 cornerstones to accomplish this." with "The PPFs main goal is to maintain representative democracy in the U.S. as a political system. Their website outlines their four chief methods:", and et cetera. It is best to avoid flowery adjectives. After all, it is up to Wikipedia users to attribute adjectives and feelings to select phrases described in the article. Additionally, you could rephrase the Finances section. "Hard hit" is very conversational in tone.

I encourage you to find credible sources for your article that are, perhaps, peer-reviewed journals. You seem to be doing so. In particular, it is very good that for facts and figures, such as number of registered users, and the Finances section, you use other sources and not just PPFs page.

Otherwise, great job!

Erikabucb (talk) 08:05, 16 October 2019 (UTC)