User talk:OngoingHappyMan

Your Highway to Happiness Happiness, is it attainable? My answer is an unqualified yes for all of you who are not impoverished or terminally ill. Through the years you have perused the books that have guided you towards personal growth and development. Hopefully, you have grown, matured and have attained a measure of happiness. An aspired to state of grace - ongoing happiness - is now achievable. Enjoy an exciting reading experience, follow me on the Highway to Happiness and you will achieve that aspired-to state of grace that has evaded you all these years. Mind you - it isn't easy but, I assure you that, the clearly defined formula presented will guide you unerringly towards that state of grace - Ongoing Happiness. I occasionally talk with people on the subject of happiness. I have no compunction discussing this subject - I am a happy person. Since happiness is a state of grace not always attained by people, during their lifetime, one would think that it would be a subject of great interest; it is not. Having attained personal happiness, in life, I deem it my privilege to impart to others the understanding required to attain the aspired-to state of grace; this I do, whenever the opportunity presents itself. In some instances I have even initiated talks on the subject with interesting results. In one instance I put a notice on the bulletin board, at work, suggesting colleagues bring their lunch to our boardroom to discuss “Enjoyment in the workplace and happiness in life are attainable” - only one young lady showed up. I thanked her for coming to share her own life experience of happiness with us; we both agreed that the turnout indicated that an overall feeling of enjoyment and happiness prevailed in our company and that we should be gratified and content with that knowledge. The young lady, who showed up, had always impressed me as being one of the exceptional “happy” persons, in our midst. On several occasions, after giving a presentation on “Happiness”, I have been stopped by persons who will tell me how much they enjoyed my “talk” and then will pose the incredulous query: “But, you really can’t be happy all the time”?! I will, usually, respond: “Think, a moment, are you not personally acquainted with one person, whether family, friend or colleague, who is always miserable”. The most frequent response I get, with a big smile, is: Yees, but not alwayyys”.

It is possible, of course, that I am one of those exceptional progressive reincarnates who is particularly attuned to the joy of existence. I have always been, consistently, a happy person. If you’ll be patient, I shall, I promise, elaborate and, hopefully, instruct you on how you too can achieve the aspired-to state of grace. Happiness, I would have you know, is not necessarily evident in the demeanor or facial expressions of a person. Looking at myself in the mirror, I can readily accept that I do not epitomize the classical happy person. When, however, I look into my heart - I know happiness. When one is happy - others, around one, enjoy the resulting benefits. A wise man once said that there is nothing of greater value in the life of man than love and happiness. He went on to say that we should not let the masks or postures deceive us; love and happiness is the glue that holds the universe together. I could, now, go on quoting, at length, what the sages, through the ages, have said about happiness. However, it has also been said that experience is a book in which we all write and nobody reads. It is true that the sages of all cultures have very clearly and repeatedly promulgated the principles that are the foundation of happiness; very few are those who have listened, heard, absorbed, digested and articulated the revelation. It is also true that there are, in fact, a lot of happy people in the world. This, I know, does not come as a surprise to some; to others it will, I’m sure, be a comforting thought. Wise men, through the millennium, have sought to understand the meaning of life. This, undoubtedly, has been a worthy and gratifying quest; an equitable and acceptable answer to the meaning of life is still in the making. In the interim, of great interest to each of us, as individuals, should be the answer to a simpler question: “What should be my purpose in life”? The answer to this has been articulated well by the sages of all cultures; it has been little heeded by the sophisticates of all eras. The sages of all cultures, through the millennium, have clarified that the purpose of each of us, as individuals, in life is to emanate happiness, create happiness and enjoy happiness. If all of us could conduct our lives, our short spans on earth, in pursuit of the spiritual growth required to achieve a state of true grace, enabling us to emanate happiness, create happiness and enjoy happiness - Oh what a joyous life we would lead; what a fine world this would be. How then does someone, who does not suffer the extremities of an impoverished existence or a terminal illness, attain a state of happiness? Terminal illness and poverty are, obviously, impediments to happiness. Come with me back to Genesis and the wonderful allegorical experience in the Garden of Eden; the Garden of Eden is a synonym for paradise and heaven. The Creator actually gave Adam and Eve the planet Earth, which he described as “Gan-Eden” (Hebrew – delightful garden) as their domain and it was apparent that they had it all - paradise found. But, as we know, they looked around and asked, “Is this all there is?” Since you’re all familiar with the story, you know that, they ate from the tree of knowledge ignoring the Lord’s admonition that, should they eat from it, they would surely die. But the Creator forgave them their human frailty and did not slay them. He did, however, tell the man that he would be driven from Eden and compelled to work for a living; and Eve was condemned to undergo the pain of childbirth. For those of you, who did not fully comprehend the significance of that historical event, I will clarify that he also told them that since they had eaten from the tree of knowledge they were, henceforth, endowed with a mind of their own, enabling them to create their own heaven or hell. The amazing thing, we find, is that, notwithstanding the option available, most people tend to create their own hell. How, you ask, does one create one’s own heaven rather than one’s own hell? Here, you have truly posed a good question. But, once again,I must have you revisit with me two of the well-known, most distressing, incidents of contemporary unhappiness. The first is the O.J. Simpson tragedy and the second, on a different level, the President Clinton affair. I refer to the O.J. case as a tragedy because it was not only a horrific experience affecting the O.J. Simpson family, not only the tragedy of the victims' families, it was potentially a deplorable American 'socioeconomic' disaster because it severely undermined the intrinsic value of the American Dream. A young black man, emerging from the blight of the American City unto unparalleled success in sports, movies and social spheres, is an instance of an American dream successfully attained. A publicly adored and envied star of stage and sports, socially prominent, married to a great beauty and the father of two adorable children, who was alleged to have murdered the mother of his children and her young admirer, would have had to harbor an enormous amount of self-hate and unhappiness. The President's affair with a young lady, in the White House, under the possible scrutiny of his wife and the general American public, was an instance of self-hatred that expressed itself by displaying a need for self-castigation for being apparently unworthy, in his own mind, of honors bestowed. These two lamentable spectacles are evidence of dysfunction begetting dysfunction. They are evidence of clear genetic stamping that bodes self-destruction. As an aside, it is apparent that neither of the women involved bear any blame for the actions of these truly tragic figures. And so you may well ask, along with so many others, observing these ongoing modern tragedies, if the achievement of the American dream, so beautifully exemplified by O.J. Simpson and the President of the USA, does not provide happiness, what does. The answer, my friends, is not blowing in the wind; the answer is truly within your power to comprehend. Happiness is achievable and, when attained, is the basis for a truly gratifying existence. The historian Will Durant described how he looked for happiness in knowledge and found only disillusionment. He then sought happiness in travel and found weariness; in wealth and found discord and worry. He looked for happiness in his writing and was only fatigued. He then went on to describe the following scene: “One day I saw a woman waiting in a tiny car with a sleeping child in her arms. A man descended from a train and came over and gently kissed the woman and then the baby, very softly so as not to waken him. The family drove off and left me with a stunning realization of the real nature of happiness - every normal function of life holds some delight”. I'm afraid that Durant did not have a true understanding of what happiness is. Roy M. Goodman was astute in his observation: “Remember that happiness is a way of travel - not a destination”. It was Lillian Eichler Watson, paraphrasing William Lyons Phelps, who described happiness as “Not dependent on external things; the pond is fed from within. The kind of happiness that stays with you is the happiness that springs from inward thoughts and emotions. You must cultivate your mind if you wish to achieve enduring happiness. You must furnish your mind with interesting thoughts and ideas; for an empty mind seeks pleasure as a substitute for happiness”. I will observe here that not only “an empty mind seeks pleasure as a substitute for happiness”; most minds interpret life’s periodical passing pleasures as happiness. The pleasurable interludes in the drab unhappy existence are referred to as happiness. In the happy person’s existence – life is happiness; the exceptional joyful experiences are just icing on the cake of life. I like Robert Ingersoll’s creed: Happiness is the only good. The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now. The way to be happy is to make others so. Robert’s creed is admirable; I’m with him. However, Robert’s formula for happiness assumes that we are happy beings; he does not clarify how we become the happy persons intent on making others happy. For ‘tis true that a truly happy person will refrain from any action that would tend to undermine another person’s state of well being. More on this later. Every day you will hear people say: When I get to be sixteen - I’ll be happy. When I’m eighteen - I’ll surely be happy. When I get my car - Oh then I’ll be happy. As soon as we have a home of our own ........ When I get that position ......... And one day, as we ponder that long unending trail toward happiness, we realize just how elusive that state of grace is; that it may just pass us by - and we wonder why. OK, OK, you say - pray, please tell me what’s it all about?

The time has come for you and me to really get down to the true ingredients of happiness. First of all, we must be imbued with unquestioning self-love. With self-love entrenched, we must unerringly dedicate ourselves to the incessant pursuit of our own pleasure. The additional essential ingredients are unblemished integrity and untarnished dignity. With these attributes at our disposal, we will also find an uncanny ability to use the word 'NO', unsparingly, whenever the occasion arises. Oh, I can hear the gasps of your incredulity on hearing my last observations: "sacrilege, profanity, apostasy, narcissism, egoism, stupidity." Sorry, but I have presented to you the same formula promulgated by the sages of all faiths through the millennium. I will suggest, to you who have come this far, to continue racing with me a while longer towards an eventual happy ending. True, there can be no happiness without self-love. It is natural for a person,who loves one's self to look out unto the world with loving eyes and perceive a beautiful universe endowed with bountiful natural attributes and populated by the most fascinating, exciting and engaging collection of animals and humans; all desiring a place in the sun and/or seeking to understand the meaning of life and the purpose for their existence. The pursuit of personal pleasure must surely be as enticing a practice as the pursuit of happiness. It is not surprising that both these pursuits are frowned upon in certain quarters and improperly interpreted by many. And yet, we should never deal in self-denigration by doing things that are unpleasant to us, that will undermine our own sense of well being, our happiness. Integrity and dignity are achieved by ensuring that all our actions and activities are pleasing to us; that we do nothing in life that tarnishes our own self-image! One's self image is something we develop in early childhood. If one was lucky and nurtured through childhood in a positive, encouraging and confidence-building manner, then one's self image is usually sturdy and strong; the world is one's oyster. If, however, one was raised in an atmosphere of fear, suspicion, anger and frustration, the self-image inflicted is one of a cowering, cringing and fearful nature. Regretfully, far too many are the lost and fearful souls around us. Their minds are in constant turmoil and their lives are fraught with misgivings and mistrust. Lucky are the children who were blessed with parents who were nurturing, loving, caring, encouraging and understanding. Their lot in life and their ability to achieve happiness is by far superior to that of the deprived. Adults, here, will usually rush to proclaim that: " We are what what are! Our childhood was beyond our control! The damage is done and cannot be undone"! I try to allay their fears by explaining that, while their road may be strewn with obstacles, the path to happiness is more, easily, accessible than they assume. It is certainly worth the time, effort and the expenditure of the character and tenacity required.

Yes, that is all you and I need for happiness - the strength of character and a goodly measure of tenacity in pursuit of a worthy goal. Not much, you say. We shall see. It is a fact, that while most of us try to portray ourselves as courageous and confident, we are, at best: doubtful, hesitant and retiring. The reason we are so is that we are, in fact, bad actors and playing roles we were not meant to play. Forever pretending to be that which we are not. If we were to understand the true role we have to play in life: a role that we are best suited for, we would probably end up with an achievement worthy of an Oscar. We might even end up truly enjoying ourselves, our lives and describe our existence as a happy one. By now, you may have guessed it. The role in life you are called on to play and the character you are best suited for in life is you. You are simply required to cease trying to be what you think others think you should be. Forget about trying to live up to other people's expectations. Ignore what you have come to believe are the Government's, Society's, Church's, Parent's, Boss's, spouse's expectations of you. In truth, they expect very little of you and from you. It is you, yourself, who have heaped this burden of expectations on your conscience. And you do this, mostly for one of two reasons: 1. To plead the inability of any one to carry such a burden and to live up to such expectations. 2. To rationalize your lack of character, Creativity, Productivity, Gratification and Happiness I know I have burdened you with this lengthy prelude to happiness. I do hope to truly compensate you for your efforts. However, I wish to clarify that if it pleases you to continue with this exercise, do so. If you do not find interest in this search for happiness or if this presentation is not pleasing - cease and desist. Life is too short for you to waste on the 'dis-pleasures' of life. And they abound - mostly in our minds. Here is the manner in which an adult, who was not one of the fortunate children blessed with constructive loving parents, may restructure his wizened self-image. Look at yourself in the mirror; really look into your eyes reflected in the mirror and say: I am a product of my society and I am the best me under the present circumstances. I am a unique and exceptional being, living in a relatively progressive country, endowed with certain genetic attributes and nourished by familial, religious, educational and societal standards and morals that have made me a relatively well civilized individual. While I go on living, learning, experiencing and growing - I am and always will be the only and best(Tom/Dick/Mary) there is. I will, from today, cease trying to impress others as being someone other than who I am or what I am. I will, from today try to express myself as I really am: no pretensions, no misrepresentations and no real concerns for what I think others expect of me. I'm just going to be me. I am going to forgive myself for all my human foibles and frailties, to date, and accept my many past indiscretions as natural and normal in a personal growth process. Oh what a relief - I'll just be the best me I can be and do the best I can. If I do the best I can - what more can any one want or expect of me? It is possible that with the guidance of others, I may be able to do better. But, under my own direction, I'll just be me and do the best I can and feel wonderful knowing I did the best I can. Wow, this means that I, really, only work for me; I'm my own boss. Of course there may be others who may be better, at the same job; others who are superior to me. But, I wonder if they know the secret of "working for me"? Of course, you may think that this is over simplification. Well, are you sure? Stop and reflect on what follows. We've all heard of a traumatic experienced individual. Someone, who faced death, was saved or recovered from a terminal illness. We also remember the recounting of his transformation resulting from the experience. He now appreciates life more and understands better the value of the important things in life. In short, he starts anew, by being himself and gaining a whole new perspective on the true values of life and a whole new appreciation for the joy of living. Of course, you can sit around and await a personal trauma. You can also, if you wish, create your own exciting eye opening experience of true revelation, by simply embracing attainable happiness. So, now I have refurbished my own image of myself. I do not feel the need to justify my actions to others because I am always 'performing' the best I can. I cease apologizing for what I said, or rethinking what I mouthed, because I'm only expressing what I truly feel. I'm not trying to impress others. I feel very relaxed, devoid of tension, relieved of pressure. I can now listen more attentively, better grasp the meaning of things and better interpret the motivation and actions of others. I cease seeing everything that is said and done from the narrow perspective of the personal "me" and can better relate and react to the issue, the occurrence or the happening. And now that I am starting to feel comfortable with my own image of myself, I will do nothing that will tarnish this new-found image. For my self-image to remain sturdy and strong, I must do only things that please me. All my actions will be such that they will never undermine my value of self i.e. detract from my dignity or integrity." I knew your ears would perk up when I said: "I must only do things that please me" and you thought: "contrary to all accepted preachings; such egoism, conceit, vanity, pretentiousness, pomposity." Not at all. On the contrary. Doing only what pleases one is the only way to attain and retain one's integrity, dignity, humility and true sense of well being. In doing what only pleases me I cannot do anything that will undermine my self-love, my own feeling of self-worth, my integrity, my dignity. I cannot hurt nor harm my fellowman. I cannot cheat, steal or lie. I cannot denigrate my fellowman nor undermine his status or standing. I cannot criticize, complain or condemn others. I can do nothing to elevate myself by denigrating my fellowman. In taking any of the aforementioned actions, I would undermine my own self-worth and my well being.

On the other hand: I rush in to compliment, to show concern, to show compassion. In so doing, I please myself; nourish my self-image, bolster my self-esteem, strengthen my self love and heighten my awareness of the beauty of life and all living creatures. And so, I glide through life doing only things that please me. At work, I do the best job I know how, 'cause it pleases me and satisfies me. I go home feeling good about myself. I kiss my wife, caress my child and pet the dog. I bring a sense of well being from my work environment into my home. My wife and I discuss the day's happenings and highlights and I compliment her on the tasty dinner. I assist her with the dishes and take pleasure in cuddling my son as I put him to sleep with a tale and a tune. My wife is already out the door, on her way to an art class at the Local Education Center. I settle down to a quiet TV/Reading evening. My wife will tell me a few anecdotes from her art encounters and we're off to bed. Sleep, to a man who is in total control of his own mind, who only does what pleases him, comes quickly and will be devoid of distressing contemplations, bad dreams or nightmares. And now for a better understanding of the philosophy: "they who only do things that please them". We accept the understanding that our purpose in life is to emanate happiness, create happiness and enjoy happiness. We, therefore, are attracted to people of similar characteristics. In marrying, we are intent on making our loved ones happy by recognizing their own individuality, their need for self-expression, growth and fulfillment. We see in our children wonderful gifts of separate and creative persons whom we are given the opportunity, the privilege, the pleasure and the responsibility to nourish and mold into strong, confident, independent, intelligent, loving and happy individuals. We see in this process, of nourishing children, a great pleasure unto itself and do not await, nor expect, anything in return for the time, efforts or moneys expended. We see in our parents and relatives persons who are 'enhancers' of our contented existence. They are people whom we love, honor and respect and will aid and assist, with pleasure, if called upon to do so. We see, in our chosen friends, persons whom we are pleased to associate with and to whom we extend services and gifts, with pleasure, without thought of reward or recompense. We see in our colleagues, at work, persons of dignity and integrity with whom we cooperate in a joint venture to promote our mutual best interests. We see in our employers persons who engage us for the purpose of attaining goals that will be of benefit to them and us. We make our best possible contribution and await commensurate compensation. And so, we go through life doing only things that please us. We cannot entertain complaining, condemning, criticizing or denigrating as activities that would be pleasing to us or of a constructive nature. We would not conceive of lying, cheating or stealing as an undertaking worthy of effort since it would only detract from our own dignity and well-­being.

We cannot deal in the denigration of our fellowmen. We cannot conceive of the abuse of women or children. We abhor the thought of ever betraying our children or our wives' trust. We would never entertain any of the aforementioned despicable undertakings for, even if unbeknown to them or others, we would undermine our own dignity and integrity. We would undermine our own image of ourselves. This then is the profound Message decreed by all the great sages of both the Occidental & Oriental World Cultures: "Your untarnished self-image will empower you with an unblemished sense of dignity and integrity that is the prerequisite for Ongoing Happiness."

We have now created, with our spiritually empowered and controlled mind, our world and our philosophy of life. We can now indulge, unhindered and unburdened by hate, envy, worry, concern, fear and anguish, in concentrating on the exhilarating and exciting facets of life and living, every day of our life. Our journey, in happiness, through life is not only gratifying unto ourselves but, is also, a truly pleasurable experience for all those we encounter. They may not walk away from us transformed, but they may remember the experience as one devoid of any instance of negativity, apprehension or concern. They may even recall it as an experience to be cherished inasmuch as it radiated a sense of wonderment and created a need to stop and ponder anew the beauty of the world and all that's in it. You may have noticed that, to this point in time, I did not speak of the 'No' factor. The ability to say no, at the proper time and in the proper context of a relationship, is important to our well being. It can prevent the intrusion of so many of the negatives and the absurdities that we are embroiled in through the unhappiness of our fellowmen. If one man is unhappy we are all diminished. In keeping our happiness intact we are, undoubtedly, contributing to the enhancement of humankind. Be strong in deterring the 'diminishers'. Regretfully, they abound. "Yes, on occasion, people who knew my wife will say to me: "It's easy for you to speak of happiness. With a wife like Esther – you had it made ! She was the sunshine of your life"! I rush in to acknowledge Esther's valued contribution to my happiness and my well being.                                      But, I go on to explain that Esther's main contribution to our exceptionally gratifying 60 years of marriage was in the fact that she was the 'Sunshine Of Her Own Life' - just as I was the 'Sunshine Of My Life'. When two 'Sunshines' get together they hold promise of a truly glowing and gratifying relationship. Happiness is an on-going state of grace. Happiness is attainable by those who have the need and the desire to reaffirm their belief in the beauty of life and the goodness of man and who have the strength and fortitude to channel their basic human desires into constructive avenues of civilized behavior. While I deem this philosophy of life rather easy to comprehend, it is, apparently, much more difficult to accept, imbibe, absorb, digest and articulate.

Epilogue Whether God created man or whether, as the Humanists believe, man created God will be debatable until the end of time. All of us, however, can agree that all Religious and Spiritual Affiliations, whether it be by the decree of God/the Supreme Spiritual Entity/Mother Nature/ the Universe or through the crystallization of the knowledge accumulated by humankind through the millennium, have provided us with a clear-cut formula for civilized existence. The Jews, the Christians, the Muslims, the Buddhists, the Confucians and the Taoists, for example, all proclaim the principles of love, compassion and justice. While to each Religious Faith and Spiritual Following it may seem important to determine who the true messenger is; to mankind the message is the important issue. The 'Message', though it emanated, at different moments in history, from different messengers, clearly proclaimed the formula, the way and the path, to true civilized existence. It behooves us all to emphasize the importance of the message and decelerate the competition over the superiority of the messenger. It is apparent from the reading of the messages that the emphasis was always on the implied admonitions: "If you follow these principles of civilized behavior, you will enjoy a happy existence. Should you, however, stray from the established path you are bound to suffer the indignities of the uncivilized." God or the Supreme Enlightened Self, which ever you profess, never indicated that he was with us. What He did was emphasize that if we 'be' with Him, by following the clearly defined principles of civilized behavior, He, in all his loving kindness, would dwell in our midst. When we embrace, Love, Compassion and Justice, we emanate Happiness, create Happiness and enjoy blessed Ongoing Happiness.

Revised for print in the Wikipedia on March 14, 2013