User talk:Parody India

Parody_2009
Parody_2009_1 -

SCENE:

Dr. Bhola Paswan is a young-man of twenty-eight. He recently obtained his Ph.D. from Patna University’s highly-reputed Department Of Bathroom Engineering (DOBE). The title of his doctoral dissertation was

BATHROOM ARCHITECTURE AND ITS ROLE IN SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERIES

Paswan is now a post-doctoral researcher in the Department of Intelligent Engineering (DIE) at the University of Brutish Columbia (UBC). His post-doctoral research topic is

THE ROLE PLAYED BY YAHOO.COM IN IMPROVING THE RELIABILITY OF MODERN ENGINEERING PRODUCTS

His post-doctoral research supervisor’s name is Dr. (Miss) Cathy Khan. Khan is a 41-year old spinster who is currently serving as an Associate Professor at the UBC.

Khan has managed to secure a $20K 1-year research grant for Paswan. She is hoping that, during this 1-year tenure, Paswan will be able to publish a large number of ‘quality’ research papers so that the grant can be renewed for another year, and so that. Khan’s own application for ‘tenure’ can be taken seriously by the Department.

In addition to the above, Khan is also harboring a secret wish to someday marry Paswan. Paswan has been getting subtle hints about this from her, but is not all that bullish on the idea.

To give Paswan a head-start, Khan refers him to an East-Indian Engineer employed at Yahoo.Com. The name of that engineer is Dr. Murli Manohar.

Manohar is an alumnus of Patna U. He has agreed to do his level-best to help.Paswan in carrying out his post-doctoral research work.

Paswan and Manohar first meet in a Coffee shop in Surrey. They immediately start liking each other. The bond of friendship, however, does not help in resolving the problem that the research topic assigned to Paswan is, in reality, a hoax. The topic’s hoax-ness emanates from the fact that, as both Paswan and Manohar quickly agree upon, Yahoo.Com was never meant to make (and never has made) any significant contribution toward improving the quality of hi-tech products.

Manohar updates Paswan on Yahoo.Com’s current serious economic woes too. He points fingers at the Company’s amateurish management practices and its dwindling hopes of survival in today’s cut-throat business environment. He also starts mentioning the various symptoms of this phenomenon that he calls ‘The Decline of the Yahoo Empire’. The list of symptoms reeled out by him is endless:

1. Be aware of the increasing level of difficulty with which the average net user can now access his/her Yahoo Mail account (because Yahoo management has become too software-centric and has been paying very little attention to maintaining its handle on the physical-layer of the architecture);

2. Also note that the founder and original owner of Yahoo.Com has walked off after legally and quasi-legally siphoning away most of the Company’s funds to his personal Singapore-based Bank Accounts;

3. In addition, note that most of Yahoo’ s engineering ‘talent’ is now Madrasi in origin, i.e., it originates in the Southern parts of India;

4. As a corollary to 3), note that the typical US-based Yahoo employee now spends a very large portion of his/her Office time in looking for cheap real-estate ‘deals’, in trying to ‘find’ the best private schools for his/her kids, in chatting with his/her mom in some remote village of South Asia, in planning the week-end festivities at the local Hindu (read Tamil) temple, etc;

5. Note the recent untimely and abrupt closure of ‘Yahoo Briefcase’ service which, symptomatically speaking, has spurred an astoundingly large number of rumors about Yahoo’s credibility;

6. etc., etc., etc.………………

After listening to Manohar’s talk, Paswan starts getting really scared. He had always thought that life in ‘phoren’ countries was nothing but an eternal bliss. Consequently, he is now unable to adjust to this serious setback to his plans.

Paswan is now regretting the fact that he unthinkingly said yes to such a stupid topic of research. He is getting angry at Dr. Khan too, thinking that she should have known better. He decides that someday soon, he would pointedly tell Khan that she is responsible for destroying his career, and that she can forget about any romantic possibilities between the two of them.

For the next several nights, Paswan is unable to get much sleep. His half-sleepy-half-wakeful moments are mostly being spent in going through horrible dreams about the impending disaster to his career. He is also constantly thinking of his girl-friend, Shabnam, in Patna who is eagerly waiting for him to become successful, so that they can get married and live together in this beautifully city of Vancouver (the name ‘Vancouver’ literally means ‘the prince of the jungle’). He is trying to tell Shabnam (over the phone and through diplomatically-worded E-mails via non-Yahoo accounts) that, may be, she should forget him and try to find someone else to settle in life with. Shabnam, of course, is unable to believe that things can seriously go wrong in ‘advanced’ countries too. During phone conversations, she frequently starts sobbing if Paswan tries to tell her details of the problems that he is facing at UBC.

One fine morning, after having spent yet-another sleepless night, Paswan looks through his apartment window. He sees the rising sun and envies that heavenly body for having no career-related worries. He also bitterly realizes that most of the problems on twenty-first-century earth are due to the uncontrolled availability of Internet to human beings. He decides that he would soon say good-bye to his Internet-based life-style and would instead seek a more tranquil career (e.g., becoming a Pizza-delivery man.

He takes out his guitar and sings the following song (based on one of his most favorite old Hindi-movie songs).

PARODY:

DR. PASWAN

Yahooo bharee hain ye jeewan kee raahen

Koi un se koh de humen bhool jaayen

Yahoo bharee hain……..

Wade bhula den kasam tod den woooooooo Wade bhula den kasam tod den woooooooo Halat pe apnee humen chhod den wo… Cathy Khan se kyoon hum dil lagayen Koi un se koh de humen bhool jaayen Yahoo bharee hain……..

Madrasiyon kee gazab daastan yahoooooooooooooo Madrasiyon kee gazab daastan yahoooooooooooooo Shabnam bhee roye wo daastan yahoooo Tumhe net mubarak humen apnee pizaayen Koi un se koh de humen bhool jaayen Yahoo bharee hain……..

NAME OF MOVIE: Parvarish (1958) SINGER : Mukesh DIRECTOR:S.N.Banerjee ACTORS:Raj Kapoor, Mala Sinha MUSIC:Dattaram LYRICS:Unknown

SEE ORIGINAL SONG AT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WStel_L2wQ