User talk:Pastramionrye

Serenity Forge clarification
Hi Pastramionrye. I was looking over your draft Draft:Serenity Forge and found some minor issues that are not worth declining the draft over: With these issues fixed, the draft will be more likely to be accepted. IceWelder &#91; &#9993; &#93; 12:14, 10 June 2021 (UTC)
 * The prose reads variously that the company was founded in 2014 or May 2014, but the two sources mentioning founding dates state either 2008 (Westword or 2012 (Colorado Public Radio). Further to this, the company was incorporated in 2010 and the founder lists 2008 on his LinkedIn profile. The Colorado Public Radio source also claims that Loving Life was released in 2012. Please re-check these dates.
 * The article sometimes uses primary sources (such as a developer or publisher's website) or game reviews to confirm that company X developed/published game Y. This is used for approximately 2/3 of the History section. Since they rarely cover corporate history, consider moving the sources to a references column in the games table instead.
 * Sometimes, corporate speak/peacock woring is used (e.g. "the mission to create meaningful games that challenge the way players think"). This should be paraphrased to a neutral tone or quoted.
 * The "doing business as" part is redundant as the trade name equals the legal name, minus the legal form suffix.
 * Some sources (Twinfinite, TheGamer, TheSixthAxis, Big Shiny Robot) are unreliable and should be removed/exchanged.
 * In the games table, each platform and company should only be linked once, upon the first use (WP:OVERLINK).

Hi IceWelder. I’ve made a series of changes based on your suggestions. I’ve detailed the changes below:
 * I found an article from Forbes’ 30 Under 30 profile (reference #2) that states the company was founded in 2014. This is the most recent and relevant article that states the company’s founding date. I also changed the prose in the first paragraph of the “History” section to reflect Loving Life’s release in 2012 (which is verified in the article in reference #5).
 * I moved all the review sources for each game to a reference column in the table.
 * I quoted the peacock woring used in the first sentence of the “History” section and attributed it to the company’s official website.
 * I removed “doing business as” per your note on redundancy.
 * I removed sources from Twinfinite, TheGamer, TheSixthAxis and Big Shiny Robot and replaced them with more reputable sources.
 * I removed all duplicated links to game platforms in the table.

That should be everything! Please let me know if there are any additional changes that you suggest I make. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Pastramionrye (talk • contribs) 20:24, 10 June 2021 (UTC)
 * With my second point regarding the "X developed/published game Y"-only content in the History section, I actually meant that it should be removed and the sources re-used in the games table. The game table already serves as a simple release chronology so the History section does not also need to do so unless it adds meaningful context, as it does around e.g. Loving Life. Sorry if this was unclear. IceWelder  &#91; &#9993; &#93; 20:40, 10 June 2021 (UTC)

Hi IceWelder. Understood - in that case should I remove the entire 3rd paragraph of the "History" section since it serves the same function as the Table? The only info in the 3rd paragraph that's unique is the mention of Where the Water Tastes Like Wine's critical reception. Does it make sense to still include that or remove the third paragraph entirely? Pastramionrye (talk) 20:48, 10 June 2021 (UTC)
 * All of the third and most of the second paragraphs can be removed, even Where the Water Tastes Like Wine as the critical reception and award statements are only backed up by sources primary to those ratings, which could be done for any game. As a side note, the current draft claims generally positive reviews but cites a "mixed or average reviews" Metacritic rating, and cites "several industry awards" to just one award. For the second paragraph, I would suggest a shortening in the likes of:
 * In 2016, Serenity Forge began publishing games by third-party developers. Its first such releases were Lifeless Planet by Stage 2 Studios and Four Sided Fantasy by Ludo Land. As a publisher, Serenity Forge looked to satisfy what it considered a lack of thoughtful, story-driven games.
 * Everything backed up with the respective sources, of course. IceWelder  &#91; &#9993; &#93; 21:39, 10 June 2021 (UTC)

Hi IceWelder. I've updated the "history" section per your suggestion. I changed around some of the language but it should be good to go! Are there any additional changes I need to make to improve approval? Also how long do you suspect an approval will take? Pastramionrye (talk) 00:50, 11 June 2021 (UTC)
 * Should be fine now. You just need to re-add the AfC tags so I can formally approve it. IceWelder  &#91; &#9993; &#93; 07:25, 11 June 2021 (UTC)

Hi IceWelder. I resubmitted the draft page with AfC submission listed at the top. Hopefully that works towards a speedy approval! Please let me know if I should be using a different Afc tag — Preceding unsigned comment added by Pastramionrye (talk • contribs) 14:01, 11 June 2021 (UTC)
 * See below. Regards, IceWelder  &#91; &#9993; &#93; 14:11, 11 June 2021 (UTC)

Your submission at Articles for creation: Serenity Forge has been accepted
 Serenity Forge, which you submitted to Articles for creation, has been created.

Congratulations, and thank you for helping expand the scope of Wikipedia! We hope you will continue making quality contributions.

The article has been assessed as Start-Class, which is recorded on its talk page. Most new articles start out as Stub-Class or Start-Class and then attain higher grades as they develop over time. You may like to take a look at the grading scheme to see how you can improve the article.

Since you have made at least 10 edits over more than four days, you can now create articles yourself without posting a request. However, you may continue submitting work to Articles for creation if you prefer.

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Thanks again, and happy editing! IceWelder &#91; &#9993; &#93; 14:06, 11 June 2021 (UTC)