User talk:PatDillard/sandbox

Your changed wording in the lead part of the article is a great alteration. You might consider adding in a bit more to the following sentence "Factors include increased medication..." because it seems like it just randomly begins listing factors without warning. So perhaps "Some common factors involved in the onset of a sleep disorder include..." would introduce the factors a bit better. I also like your addition in the Music Therapy section of the article. It is very helpful and informative. However, I would suggest not using "you," "your," or similar words in order to keep the article more formal. Ex: Changing "Listening to slower pace music before bed can help decrease your heart rate..." to "Listening to slower pace music before bed can help decrease an individual's heart rate..." could help the sentence flow with the other paragraphs of the article instead of standing out by addressing the reader directly. Great job so far! Hphilli2 (talk) 02:19, 5 October 2019 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the advice, will start editing right away.PatDillard (talk) 07:46, 17 October 2019 (UTC)