User talk:Patdonovan34876/sandbox

Pat,

You definitely have a good variety of information on the subject. It would be helpful to see some formatting to help break up the information into different sections (ie: history, chemistry, properties, etc.). It also seems as though some of the info, though good, is being "pitched" to me as if it to pursuade me to use ultralight materials, which it is, rather than simply laying out unbiased information. A lot of this could be avoided by simply removing some of the leading language into the facts. For example, it is not important to include "Ultralight material also has some elastic properties..." just simply include the properties. I thought lab writing was pretty robotic, but this takes it even further. I feel your pain.

Mike

review
Hey Pat,

You have lots of good information to add to the wiki article and some good sources. I think you just have to format the information a little better and make paragraphs out of your information. Other than that its a good start and you have plenty to add to those two sections in the wiki article.

Marinos Marino20 (talk) 01:07, 4 December 2018 (UTC)

MECH 2960 Instructor Review
Overall this is starting to look like a wikipedia page! Great start. Please see below for my recommended changes to make it even better.

Intro:
 * I think the intro to the current article can be shortened (such as removing the sentence on the "density of air" and how it contributes to the density of these materials), but I think your intro sentence of "Ultralight materials are structures that are extremely strong and have very low densities." is a bit too short compared to the definition being less than 10 mg/cm^3. Also, you inserted the "extremely strong" but I don't think that's in the definition of "ultralight material".

Properties section:
 * Use proper subscripts/superscripts with the units.
 * For this sentence "Ultralight materials are solids with a density of less than 10 mg/cm3." where is this referenced? Is there somewhere in the literature defines this as the "ultralight" regime?
 * Make sure to retain all the wikipedia links for the "They include silica aerogels, carbon nanotube aerogels, aero graphite, metallic foams, polymeric foams, and metallic micro lattices."
 * For "Ultralight material also has some elastic properties. For example, when it is flattened, the tubes inside the material also flatten, but when the pressure is removed, the tubes rebound back to their original state." need to have a citation. Also try to use the more technical wordings/language/style from whichever citation you find for this.
 * The sentences "They are also easily shattered if pressed on. Because the material is a solid, it is very much able to be shattered if pushed on hard enough. This limits their use." are very colloquial. Please use more precise and technical language. For instance, "pressed on" should be "compressed". Always try to avoid the use of "very" in technical writing.
 * In general, this section is about "properties", but you only discuss density. What other material properties can you talk about? Then use that language and be rigorous about it.

Manufacturing section:
 * Remove the "very" language
 * The first paragraph conveys almost nothing to the reader about the manufacturing process. If you want to say it's a long and expensive process, you can do that. But do it after the description of the manufacturing process.
 * The second paragraph also doesn't describe the manufacturing. It is instead describing the structure somewhat, which is more in a different section. The citation is also needed, especially(!) for a quote.
 * You describe only one method of making ultralight materials, and it's not very specific. If there are various methods, maybe go into those methods. Or discuss the general things that are important and shared between all the methods.

Applications section:
 * This section presently talks about potential future applications, but not about real-world existing applications. This is emphasized only in the final two sentences. I would recommend expanding on that and having it up-front, and then only having 1 sentence at the end of this section about potential future applications.

Aerogel section:
 * Wikipedia has an entire article on aerogels at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aerogel, so why is it important for you to have a section on it?
 * Think about what is important about aerogels that relate to ultralight materials, and then incorporate that information into one of the more general other sections. Then you can delete this section.

Advances in Ultralight Material section:
 * This is a specific case of material, and also has a few possible use cases. I would say that the material specifics could go in the properties section, the manufacturing method (if key) could go in manufacturing, and the applications could go in applications.

General comments:
 * There are some typos throughout
 * In general, there are insufficient citations both in quantity and in quality. Most of your citations are from pop-news sources rather than from technical literature, and it leads you to be less precise and less technical in your writing than you would be if you wrote from a base of technical literature. I recommend knovel, Engineering Village, and other library resources to address this.

UML MECH2960 (talk) 23:41, 10 December 2018 (UTC)

MECH 2960 Instructor Review #2
Wow! I think you're basically ready to transfer to the live site!

I did find a few small things that you could probably address quickly before doing so. They are:
 * in your intro paragraph, "insulation" is spelled incorrectly, please fix. Also a space between the previous sentence and that sentence, it looks squished together at present.
 * Your sources in the "properties" sections appear to be at the beginning of the sentences, when they should be at the end of the sentences. Could you fix that?
 * near the end of the properties section, you say "spores", but I think you meant pores? This happens again in the applications section
 * Your paragraph on the MIT material that could be used in bridges is a little long (considering the material doesn't exist yet in production). I would suggest scaling it back to be 1-2 sentences shorter.
 * Your last sentence says "Ultralight materials is capable of healing ...". Please make the verb subject agreement by either making ultralight materials singular, or the is into are so it's plural.

I look forward to it going live and then seeing how wikipedians respond, and how many views it gets! 129.63.253.1 (talk) 16:10, 15 December 2018 (UTC)