User talk:Peruan00/Climate change in Indonesia

Primary Editing/Addition Plan
My main addition to this section of the article is to add more of a history and correlation to ground water extraction and the sinking of the sinking of Jakarta. So mentioning Dutch colonial planning of cities, access to clean, drinkable water, and the governments feelings towards climate change in reference to land subsidencePeruan00 (talk) 18:35, 21 March 2022 (UTC)

First Draft Feedback
Your paragraph is about one case study of Jakarta. In this case, leave the subheading as “sea level rise.” Keep your paragraph separate from the current sentences in this section. Begin your paragraph with a sentence about Jakarta and the debate on the need to relocate the capital is because of sea level rise or land subsidence. Then write a couple sentences about the impacts/perceptions of sea level rise in Indonesia. The current part on “land subsidence” is quite good. Source 5 is a dissertation. It is tricky to use it. (https://academiccommons.columbia.edu/doi/10.7916/d8-n1yc-7c47) – Remind me of discussing this issue in class.

You’re citing source 3 & 5 several times for the same analysis. Try to avoid it. (more in class on this point).

I can see you cite two news sources for the last sentence. This sentence is OK. However, you need to provide more info about the argument of climate change impacts and sea level rise to balance the point held by the Indonesian gov’t. See the below sources, for instance:

Hieup (talk) 15:48, 23 March 2022 (UTC)hieup
 * Van de Vuurst, Paige, and Luis E. Escobar. "Perspective: Climate Change and the Relocation of Indonesia’s Capital to Borneo." Frontiers in Earth Science (2020): 5.
 * Cao, Anh, Miguel Esteban, Ven Paolo Bruno Valenzuela, Motoharu Onuki, Hiroshi Takagi, Nguyen Danh Thao, and Nobuyuki Tsuchiya. "Future of Asian Deltaic Megacities under sea level rise and land subsidence: current adaptation pathways for Tokyo, Jakarta, Manila, and Ho Chi Minh City." Current Opinion in Environmental Sustainability 50 (2021): 87-97.

Checking in
Hello! I got your peer review in! Lemme know if there are any questions.

Best, Gwen --Altosaxma&#39;am77 (talk) 03:36, 29 March 2022 (UTC)

Full Draft Feedback
Congratulations for your contribution to our Wikipedia project. Before moving your article live, please leave a message to your peer reviewer and check the following suggestions:


 * I would agree with your peer reviewer on the length of the article.
 * I know that you want to leave the first two existing sentences untouched. But they used only 1 non-academic source. I suggest that you start the whole section with the following sentence: "Difference in sea level rise can differ seasonly during...." Then, write a new sentence that provides a better sense about the sinking rate of Jakarta with the information from the following source (esp. information from Table 1): Erkens, Gilles, Tom Bucx, Rien Dam, Ger De Lange, and John Lambert. "Sinking coastal cities." Proceedings of the International Association of Hydrological Sciences 372 (2015): 189-198. You can then keep the second sentence (with their source) of the original version.
 * Don't break into a new paragraph, remove this sentence: "Much of the sea level rise can be attributed to climate change and its affects across Indonesia are different depending on the region."
 * Remove "In the case of Jakarta, however,"
 * On the following statement: "climate change induced sea level rise may seem insignificant compared to the rise induced by its water infrastructure and rapid urban development." --- is it your opinion and is it the main argument of the source you cited. If it is the main argument of the source you cite, write "Some studies have suggested that climate change-induced sea level rise..."
 * Combine these sentences into one: "The Indonesian government views land subsidence as the primary threat to Jakarta's infrastructure and development, prioritizing flood mitigation policy.[4] Land subsidence is the gradual sinking of land, in this case, caused by the over extraction of groundwater." ==> "The Indonesian government views land subsidence, mostly due to over extraction of groundwater, as the primary threat to Jakarta's infrastructure and development.[4]"
 * "Many of these colonial structures were maintained post independence to effectively separate socioeconomic classes.[8]" ==> This point is great, but I would remove it. This is a Wikipedia article (not a research one). We should remove all information not directly and implicitly linked to the main topic.
 * Move this sentence "Due to the lack of access to clean water ..." to right before the sentence that starts with "Due to Jakarta's growing population,..." Also, try to use a different expression other than "due to..."
 * Begin a new paragraph with the sentence that begins with "Despite this being a very pressing issue in the city, ..." And place the last paragraph within the same paragraph.

I can make another read if you ring me on my email to let me know when you're done with the final revision. You also can move it live and I can see your version on the live Wikipedia as well. Good job!

Please reply Yes to acknowledge that you read my message. Thanks! Hieup (talk) 22:12, 6 April 2022 (UTC)hieup


 * Read and made all the edits. Will be making live shortly Peruan00 (talk) 02:12, 11 April 2022 (UTC)