User talk:Pettiepetzer

Hi and thanks for contributing to Wikipedia. Many of the statements (with some exceptions detailed below) you added to hippo water roller are objective and relevant but they should be sourced from reliable third-party publications. One of Wikipedia's core policies is that all facts added to an article are significant to the subject in question, and attributable to reliable sources. Reliable sources include independent books and papers (third-party studies about conditions in Africa, for example); news articles are usually good sources. Sometimes a primary source (one from or quoting your own organization) suffices, but not always. Simply enclose the web link or publishing details of the source in a citation format inside tags at the end of the statement it supports. I have added some tags suggesting which statements should be cited; replace the tags with citations.

Additionally, content should be presented in a neutral tone and in formal language; this means that exclamation marks and colloquial language in articles should be used very sparingly if at all. Another, minor, point is that redundancy should be reduced as well, for example an instance of "due to the fact that" in the article is completely superfluous. Regarding the tone, opinionated terms such as "interesting and comprehensive report" should also be avoided. I have edited some phrases, hopefully without introducing errors.

PS: Consider strengthening the "Claimed benefits" section. It seems that some of the material you added can be merged into that section. If you, as noted above, provide citations of studies/reports that evidence the benefits, the section could then be renamed to "Demonstrated benefits", making it much more concrete. Also consider adding figures; how many people has this device benefited, and by how much? I have added &lt;!-- comments --&gt; here and there to indicate the parts that should receive attention.

If you wish to discuss edits to the article, you can bring them to the article's talk page to be more visible to other editors. Remember to indent and sign your posts.

PPS: May you disclose the nature of your affiliation with the Hippo roller? For example, a statement on your user page stating that you are involved in this or that organization. Doing so is a good-faith indication to other editors that you are here to improve Wikipedia, not disrupt it, and can potentially save some heated arguments later on. See also Conflict of interest. ~ Jafet • business • pleasure • voicemail 10:35, 27 September 2008 (UTC)