User talk:PistaciaveraL/sandbox

1.	Lead Section

Introductory Sentence: The introductory sentence appears to introduce the topic of the article in a clear, concise and accurate manner.

Summary: The English version of this article does not contain many sections, however, the “Converting in copper metallurgy” section in vaguely hinted at but not fully discussed. A little more on this process could be touched upon in the lead section.

Context: The English version does not include many pieces of information discussed in the lead section in the body of the article. For example, other than in the lead section, there is no mention of the “Pierce-Smith Converters”. There seems to be some further mention of this in the French version of the article, so reference to that could be used to make additions of this information to the English version of the article.

2.	Article

Organization: There are only a few sections thus far in the English version of the article and they look to be in a fairly reasonable arrangement. In terms of the grammar in the section that was added, there seem to be some slight grammatical changes that could make the flow sound better in English. These issues may be due to translation issues that result in imperfect French to English translation. For example, in the following sentence, “Just as iron produced by a blast furnace comes out alloyed with other chemical elements to form cast iron, copper extracted from minerals comes as a form of copper alloy with sulfur, with iron etc. called matte.”, the phrase “comes as a form” seems a little awkward and reworking might allow for a better flow and ease of reading. Also, the syntax of the sentence “Applying the Bessemer process to copper metallurgy was thus proposed and the principle validated in 1866, ten years after Henry Bessemer's invention, by the Russian engineer Semenikow.”, sounds a bit off. Again, this could be due to imperfect French to English translation.

Content: The article in general as well as the additions that were made covers information that is appropriate and relevant to the topic of the article. Links to relevant articles are also included throughout the article in order to provide convenient background information.

Balance: Both the article and the additions made are generally balanced and do not appear to favor any one-side over the other. History and historical figures often tend to be biased depending on who is discussing them, yet the article does a good job remaining fairly neutral.

Tone: The tone of the article is fairly neutral and encyclopedic overall. At times the added information develops a tone/ writing style that is not entirely encyclopedic. For example, in the sentence “To apply the same processes to these two metals is thus a logical direction.”, the phrasing “is thus a logical direction” does not sound very encyclopedic and may even bring in an apparent bias as if the article is trying to promote such processes rather than remaining totally neutral.

3.	References

Citations: The article in general as well as the information added lacks any in-text citations. A lot of the information is translated from the French version of the article, yet I believe there should still be some references added to notify where the information cited is coming from.

Sources: The one source reference in the article appears to be appropriate for the historical aspect of the article. Again, further source citation is necessary in order to give source credit for the information presented in the text.

Completeness: The one reference included appears to be complete and satisfies the requirements for the citation template that was used.

4.	Existing Article

New Sections: The section added to the article is comprehensive and does not duplicate any other parts of the article. This section appears to be taken directly from the French version of the article, which is a higher quality, more developed article than the English version, so this should be okay. The length of this section is comparable to the length in the French version of the article as well.

Re-Organization: There are not many sections and the article is not extensively developed yet, but so far, the article covers the information in the article in an organized and logical fashion.

Gaps: While the edits thus far have added information that have filled some of the gaps, there are still several pieces of information discussed in the lead section that need to be addressed in the body of the article’s text. This can likely be achieved by further translating the French version of the article into English and then putting this translation into the existing English version of the article.

Smaller Additions: The additions made to the article were indeed added to a relevant section of the article. Only one relevant section was added to and as such other relevant sections could be added to in the future.Biostudent2 (talk) 18:08, 1 December 2020 (UTC)

Structure and Tone

The general structure of the article so far is logical. The use of images and the production of a table of contents increases readability and interest in the article. However, it would make more sense for the second and third paragraphs in the introduction to be placed in the "origins" section" as these paragraphs are more historical than an overview of the process. Tone is generally appropriate, if not a bit too formal. Linking any terms such as "matte" could improve readability as it helps readers understand important terms related to the topic. The tone of the "converting" section is appropriate as it is both informative and approachable.

Organization and Grammar

The organization of the article is logical, though the paragraphs should be adjusted as mentioned above. As portions of this article have been translated from French, slight adjustments in sentence structure should be done. For example in the introduction, " it consists of the use of a converter to oxidise with air the undesirable chemical" should be reorganized so the object of the sentence is earlier. Adjusting this to " it consists of the use of a converter to oxidise the undesirable chemical....with air" would make this sentence much clearer. Additionally, in the "Relationship with the Bessemer process" subsection, the use of the word "thus" isn't helpful in understanding the information. Either taking out one "thus" to reduce repetition or restructuring these sentences would help readability, and make the tone more appropriate, as "thus" is typically a more formal tone than is appropriate for wikipedia.

Citations

If it is possible to attain any citations to support the translated passages or existing English passages, that would improve the reliability of the information. There is only one citation in the whole article, which makes the topic seem not notable. Gpappy (talk) 04:12, 7 December 2020 (UTC)