User talk:Profbe/sandbox

Placing some content teasers to remind myself of what to put in here - still getting a sense of how I want to organize this and what to cite.ProfBE (talk) 15:13, 13 November 2018 (UTC)be

Profbe's Peer Review 1
Hi Profbe! Here is my peer review of your article on Helen Hoy Greeley. It’s cool that you’re creating this article from scratch and adding in valuable information. What you have so far is short, straight to the point and easy to read.

Feedback for Profbe: ° It would be great to find out what libraries were founded by Helen Hoy Greeley’s father. The citation attached to this sentence (#1) is currently empty in the Reference section.

° “After graduation she worked for three years as a teacher of Greek and English, before pursuing a career in law.” << Where did she teach? Be sure to link to the Wikipedia articles on Hoy’s respective universities.

° For your section on Suffrage, I agree it’s best to put in her achievements in chronological order.

° For the section you have on Hoy’s activist work with the nurse’s association, it would be great to see some of Hoy’s writing on this topic or perhaps excerpts from her speeches. You could perhaps bring in the perspectives of the working conditions of army nurses prior to obtaining ranks and what scholars have said on Hoy’s impact.

° On the League of Nations section: What is the “Wisconsin bar”? Not sure if it’s a typo or unfinished sentence but i’m assuming it’s legal jargon or something to do with law? I would suggest adding context to this explaining what it is.

A minor sentence change I suggest (first sentence in the Legal Career section) ° Your sentence: Hoy earned an LLB from New York University, graduating in 1903 at the head of her class, and being admitted to the New York Bar that same year.

° My edit: Hoy earned her Bachelor of Laws from New York University in 1903 and was admitted to the New York Bar a few months later after graduating at the top of her class.

I understand you’re still adding in content but I would highly suggest adding in some images of Helen Greelely. I found some images online of her family home which would be a great addition to the article. Great job finding appropriate sources and links. Keep it up!

All the best, Lemnaide68 (talk) 05:48, 25 November 2018 (UTC) Lemnaide68

Erin's peer review
I like the short and simple intro, quickly lets you know who you're reading about.

minor clarity edits [edits in bold]: Her father,' Charles T. Hoy, worked in prisons and advocated for improvement of the prisons' ' sanitary conditions. He also founded libraries. Her mother, Lucy M.S. Hoy, graduated'' [is there more information about the libraries bit?] delete Helen in next paragraph. add College after Vassar maybe rename this section Personal Life [or Early life and education] since it goes up to her marriage? Legal career can a link be made for Sarah E. Martin? [if there's a page for her] and maybe for any of those places she provided legal representation for?

Where was Equality League of Self-Supporting Women located? Getting to the location vs date question asked. feels a bit too much like a timeline - can it be made more narrative, while also making clear where the events were happening? great info here!

Rank for Nurses could this be combined with Suffrage section, maybe renamed Suffrage movement and advocacy work ? Something like that. maybe even the last section fits there? though i can see why a separate section makes sense and really emphasizes what seems like a return to law. references seem great! though 17 and 18 are the same so just combine that into one i think.

This is a great contribution!

Ecs222 (talk) 17:30, 27 November 2018 (UTC)erin