User talk:Raaboyl/sandbox

Raaboyl Sheppard-Towner Act - Peer Review 1
Hi Raaboyl! Here is my feed on your revisions to the Sheppard-Towner Act.

° Great job expanding on the introduction of and adding how the act related directly to pregnancy and childbirth.

° Minor sentence revision: Your sentence: "The research by the Children's Bureau asserted that many infant deaths were preventable and attributed them to the lack of infant care knowledge. For example, rural women had very limited access to medical care." My suggested edit: "The research by the Children's Bureau asserted that many infant deaths were preventable and attributed them to the lack of infant care knowledge. Women in rural areas, for example, had limited access to medical care and professional treatment.

° For the State Involvement section where you discuss state participation in the program, I’d love to see which states had a longer history of women’s suffrage activism. You wouldn't have to list them all but one or two would be insightful.

° In your "Opposition & End of the Sheppard-Towner Act" section, I would suggest adding a citation to where the Woman Patriot Publishing Company accused the act of being a communist plot. I think that’s a great and interesting addition. Having a citation would strengthen the claim for sure.

° In the section on Midwifery: “By 1930, midwife-attended childbirths dropped to 15% nationwide, while African-Americans in the South continued to rely heavily on midwives well into the mid-twentieth century. [10]” Good expansion on this. The reason why African-Americans relied on midwives even after 1930 is because many were denied access to professional medical care and denied entrance into hospitals, hence why they continued to rely on midwives in their communities to deliver babies.

Overall I think your revisions and additions are great. I would highly suggest listing and peppering in the names of the women organizers who helped in enacting and extending the Sheppard-Towner Act. Having some of the women’s names would give face to establishment of the Act. Lastly, great lead in sentences and addition of citations/sources. Great work! Looking forward to reading more of it.

All the best, Lemnaide68 (talk) 06:26, 25 November 2018 (UTC)Lemnaide68

Raaboyl Sheppard-Towner Act - Peer Review 2
Hi Raaboyl, I agree with Lemnaide68. Your edits have really improved the original article.

First Section

I like how you have edited this. I especially liked the last sentence you added. It provides excellent historical context. And the new Info box adds a lot. One question: I see that you took out the names of the sponsors. Since you now have an Info box with a Legislative History section, perhaps you could add a new bullet above the one that’s there now: Legislative History -Sponsored by Senator Morris Shepard (D) of Texas and Representative Horace Mann Towner (R) Iowa -Signed into law by President.....

Passage Section

You might consider more citations in this paragraph, unless all of the content comes from source(6)

Provisions Section

I have the same comment as under Passage: add more sources unless all of the content comes from source(6)

Impact section

Wow, this section is so much better. Deleting the heavy statistics and adding the new content on Midwivery improves it dramatically.

Opposition and End of the Act section

MUCH improved. Really good. I particularly like your first paragraph. It’s so relevant to understanding everything that has happened since the Act.

One suggestion at the end of the first paragraph: change the phrase “male dominated.” I agree with where you are coming from, but I don’t think it is neutral enough. Maybe “predominantly male”?

Hope this is helpful.

Sequoia51 (talk) 17:42, 26 November 2018 (UTC)