User talk:Radicalarhea/sandbox

In your article “Sikh Feminism” you present the information in an articulate way that is easily understandable and structured well. In your lead section you explain that the religion argues for equality, especially between genders. Is there any research on how the religion views the LGBTQ+ community and people who identify as non-binary? If there is information on this, it might be useful to include it in the article.

I appreciate how you talk about the constructive aspects of the religion but also its issues, it provides the reader with neutral information and both sides of the story. I would recommend however to change the section “Issues” to something else. Though everyone in our class would agree that the points you present are issues, perhaps not all audiences who read this would agree. Changing this section title to something more neutral would be beneficial in order to stay within Wikipedia’s neutrality guidelines.

When thinking about Wikipedia’s rules in relation to writing articles they also recommend to minimize the number of quotes used. Because of this, paraphrasing the information in the “SAFAR” section would be more effective rather than just using quotes. I find the specific examples of how Sikhism and Sikh Feminism operate extremely useful. The sections on Harnaam Kaur and turbans in the RCMP provide a well-rounded understanding of the information. I might consider adding additional context to some of these aspects, providing more of a bio on Harnaam Kaur would allow the reader to place her present day, it’s not stated when she was born. Also were there any other reactions to the issues that Dhillon had with the RCMP? You have a very significant amount of quality information in the article, but if the facts can be found I would recommend expanding on the sections as much as you can.

Mrusak (talk) 19:16, 5 April 2018 (UTC)

Thanks for Sixties Scoop feedback
Thanks for your great feedback on the new content I was developing for the Sixties Scoop page. I have paraphrased most of the quotes as you suggested. I'll see what I can find on Nakuset to add, she's done so much for the moment and Indigenous women but I need to find citations to support this.Davidajeanne (talk) 04:30, 9 April 2018 (UTC)