User talk:Rayschneider0/sandbox

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Really nice expansion of the Holmes tremor article. I do have some advice on how your draft could be improved.

The first thing that could be improved is structural. The introductory section of the article, the lead, is supposed to be a summary of the entire article. If something isn't in the body of the article, it shouldn't be in the lead. Most of what's in the first paragraph, for example, isn't in the 'Signs and symptoms' section; it should be described that section in detail and summarized in the lead.

The article could use more wikilinks. I added a few more. Wikilinks are valuable to readers, since they allow them to learn more about the topics discussed in an article. For example, most people won't know what some term means, they can click through and find out more. A lot of the people who read this article aren't going to know much about the topic. Adding links like these help integrate your article into the rest of Wikipedia, making it more useful to readers.

You could also explain things a bit better to the average reader. I had never heard of a "flexion-extension oscillatory movement"; while you explained it somewhat later ("'wing-beating' type of tremor that is caused by cerebellar damage"), it would make more sense for the reader if the explanation followed the term right away. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 21:29, 26 March 2015 (UTC)